"Sh--!" said Cecilia; "it's no use arguing with him while he's in this mood. That's all right, John. You shall be everything you like. But as you've selected such a lot of parts for yourself perhaps you'll suggest what we can do with Alan." "Ah," said John; "Alan! Yes, he's a problem, certainly. If he had any voice, now. I'm not sure that we want him at all. Could he do a clog-dance, do you think?" "Don't worry," I interrupted; "I've thought of a fine part for me. All the best concert parties have a chap who sits in the corner and does nothing but look miserable. I could do that splendidly." "That's quite true," said John approvingly; "it tickles the audience, you know, to see a fellow looking glum while everyone else is having hysterics at the funny--at the humourist. It isn't as easy as it looks, though, Alan. I shall keep saying things to make you laugh, you know. You'll find it jolly difficult to keep looking miserable once I get going." "Not at all," I said. "That is, I shall do my best to keep serious. I shall try not to listen to you being funny." John looked at me and considered whether it was worth following up. He decided it was not. "I daresay he'll do," he said loftily to Cecilia; "the fellow has no sense of humour anyway." * * * * * [Illustration: "So long, old chap! I'm off to Charing Cross." "Hospital, I presume."] * * * * * Commercial Modesty. "This system develops such valuable qualities as:-- --Forgetfulness --Mind Wandering --Brain Fag --Indecision --Dullness --Shyness --Timidity --Weakness of Will --Lack of System --Lack of Initiative --Indefiniteness --Mental Flurry." _Advt. in Sunday Paper_. * * * * * "It is announced that, starting with next week, 'Ways and means' and 'Common Sense' will be amalgamated." _Evening Paper_. Will the Government please note? * * * * * "Army biscuits, suitable for bed-chair cushions. 3s. reserve. ----'s Auction Sale." _Provincial Paper_. They seem to have lost something of their war-time hardihood. * * * * * [Illustration: _Small Boy._ "I SAY, ISN'T THERE ANYTHING WITH A BIT MORE BUCK IN IT THAN THIS LEMONADE?"] * * * * * PUSS AT THE PALACE. [_The Daily Telegraph_, in a report of the Cat Show at the Crystal Palace, remarks that "the cat has 'come back' as a hobby."] O ALL ye devoted cat-lovers, Ere spending the cheques you have cashed, Leave a trifle for tickets to enter the wickets That ope on the Temple of Pasht. For to-day in the Palace of PAXTON Cats gathered from every zone-- Manx, Persian, Sardinian, Chinese, Abyssinian-- Are now being splendidly shown.