On its invasion of Mayfair the pencil of DU MAURIER furnishes the best comment. Before 1869, woman-violinists were only single spies; now they are to be reckoned in battalions. And they no longer "play the easiest passages with the greatest difficulty," as was once said of an incompetent male pianist, but in all departments of technique and interpretation have fully earned Sir HENRY WOOD'S tribute to their skill, sincerity and delicacy. When the eminent conductor goes on, in his catalogue of their excellences, to say, "They do not drink, and they do not smoke as much as men," he reminds Mr. Punch of two historic sayings of a famous foreign conductor. The first was uttered at a rehearsal of the Venusberg music from _Tannhaeuser_: "Gentlemen, you play it as if you were teetotalers--_which you are not_." The other was his lament over a fine but uncertain wind-instrument player: "With ---- it is always Quench, Quench, Quench." Mr. Punch is old-fashioned enough to hope that, whether teetotalers or not, the ladies will leave trombones and tubas severely alone, and confine their instrumental energies mainly to the nice conduct of the leading strings--the aristocrats of the orchestra, the sovereigns of the chamber concert. * * * * * From a butcher's advertisement:-- "SPECIAL PRE-WAR PORK, AND BEEF, SAUSAGES."--_Local Paper._ While all in favour of old-fashioned Christmas fare, here we draw the line. * * * * * "Enough butter to cover 265,000,000 slices of bread was produced in Manitoba this year. Of 8,250,000,000 pounds produced, 4,100,000 has been exported."--_Canadian Paper._ Thirty-one pounds of butter to the slice is certainly the most tempting inducement to Canadian immigration we have yet noticed. * * * * * [Illustration: THE INSPIRED MUSICIAN AND THE CHRISTMAS HAM.] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. _(By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks.)_