Six years. Do you see that nice couple over there? I bet they haven't been married as long as we have. And I bet they're not so bankrupt. This is going to be a dreadful year. I can see that at once. But we'll keep the flag flying. Ah, here come the willie-wauchts. Thank you, waiter. Well, my dear--a cup of kindness with you. Here's luck! A. P. H. * * * * * NATURAL HISTORY ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD. "St. Columb's Court and North-End met at The Farm, when St. Columb's Court were the victors by three goats to one."--_Irish Paper._ * * * * * "Harry ---- (19), described as a comedian, was bound over in L5 for six months under the rug, the property of Hilda ----." _Provincial Paper._ It seems that HARRY was not the only comedian in court. * * * * * [Illustration: A BOXING NIGHTMARE. THE GOOD FAIRY GEORGINA. "I WAVE MY WAND--UTOPIA DOTH APPEAR ... (_extemporising_) SOMETHING'S GONE WRONG. O DEAR! O DEAR! O DEAR!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Post-War Sportsman._ "THE HOUNDS MEET ON THE LAWN TO-MORROW, MY DEAR. WE MUST GIVE THEM A STIRRUP-CUP." _Wife._ "I HOPE THE CHEF KNOWS HOW TO MAKE IT. IF NOT I SUPPOSE CLARET-CUP WOULD DO?"] * * * * * ELIZABETH'S CHRISTMAS. "I've always thort 'ow I'd love to 'ave a reel nice Christmas," remarked Elizabeth--"a jolly proper kind o' one, you know, 'm." "Don't you find Christmas a pleasant time, then?" I inquired. "Well, you see, 'm, I bin in service ever since I was turned fifteen, an' you know wot Christmas in service is. An extry tip, I will say, but a lot of extry work to go along with it--and wot washin' up! Some'ow it orl seems so different in books an' on the pictures." She sighed as she spoke and a look that was almost human crept into the arid region of her countenance. A feeling of compunction swept over me. Was it possible that this poor simple girl concealed depths of conviviality in her nature and a genial disposition which I, in common with all her former employers, had carelessly overlooked? I will admit that this unexpected phase in Elizabeth's character touched and interested me. "Elizabeth," I cried in a sudden glow of enthusiasm, "you shall have your jolly Christmas--I will provide it. You shall have your turkey, plum-pudding, mince-pies, crackers, mistletoe and all the rest of it." _Cheeryble_ in his most beneficent mood could not have felt more expansive than I did just then. "You can invite your friends; we shall not be at home, so you will have the place to yourself." "Lor!" she ejaculated. "D'ye reerly mean it, 'm?" "I do, Elizabeth. Let me know the sort of Christmas you've always longed for and I'll see that you get it." She drew up her lank form and her face shone. "Well, 'm, I don't know where you get 'em, but for one thing I've often thort as 'ow I'd like to 'ave a festlebord."