"Wanted, a General, plain cooking, gas fires, two boys 9 by 5.--South Streatham."--_Local Paper._ Nothing is said of their third dimensions. * * * * * A REMARKABLE COINCIDENCE. "To-day is the birthday of Lord Durham and his twin brother, the Hon. F.W. Lambton, both of whom are sixty-five." _Provincial Paper_. * * * * * "Prince Arthur is well fitted for the high post to which he has been called. He is the tallest member of the Royal Family."--_Daily Paper_. But it is only fair to his Royal Highness to say that he has other qualifications as well. * * * * * From the recent debate on "Doctors and Secrecy":-- "If you begin to open the door you take away the sheet anchor upon which our professional work is based."--_Daily Paper_. We trust that the speaker mixes his medicines more discreetly than his metaphors. * * * * * ON WITH THE DANCE. I have been to a dance; or rather I have been to a fashionable restaurant where dancing is done. I was not invited to a dance--there are very good reasons for that; I was invited to dinner. But many of my fellow-guests have invested a lot of money in dancing. That is to say, they keep on paying dancing-instructors to teach them new tricks; and the dancing- instructors, who know their business, keep on inventing new tricks. As soon as they have taught everybody a new step they say it is unfashionable and invent a new one. This is all very well from their point of view, but it means that, in order to keep up with them and get your money's worth out of the last trick you learned, it is necessary during its brief life of respectability to dance at every available opportunity. You dance as many nights a week as is physically possible; you dance on week-days and you dance on Sundays; you begin dancing in the afternoon and you dance during tea in the coffee-rooms of expensive restaurants, whirling your precarious way through littered and abandoned tea-tables; and at dinner-time you leap up madly before the fish and dance like variety artistes in a highly-polished arena before a crowd of complete strangers eating their food; or, as if seized with an uncontrollable craving for the dance, you fling out after the joint for one wild gallop in an outer room, from which you return, perspiring and dyspeptic, to the consumption of an ice-pudding, before dashing forth to the final orgy at a picture-gallery, where the walls are appropriately covered with pictures of barbaric women dressed for the hot weather.