John arose with difficulty from the ashes and addressed himself haughtily to Cecilia. "I can understand that these two," he said, waving a black but contemptuous hand at Margery and myself, "should scream with delight. Their whole conception of humour is bound up with banana-skins and orange-peel. But may I ask why _you_ should have hysterics because your husband has fallen into the fireplace?" "'You seemed to fall into it so naturally,'" I quoted in a shaky voice. "Darling," sobbed Cecilia, "I am trying--please--if only you would take that piece of soot off your nose--" She dabbed her eyes and wept helplessly. John rubbed his nose quickly and walked to the door. "If you want my opinion of dancing," he said bitterly, "I think it's a low pagan habit." "'Twinkle, twinkle, little star,'" sang Margery. "Bah!" said John, and banged the door. * * * * * THE NEW UTOPIA. [Suggested by Mr. J. H. THOMAS'S book, just out, with a Red Flag on the wrapper.] O England, with what joy I hail The master-hand that calms and cools In THOMAS'S entrancing tale, _When Labour Rules_. There will be no more serfs and slaves; There will be no more feudal fools; The KING may stay, if he behaves, When Labour rules. Workers, in Downing Street installed, Will never think of downing tools; Strikes clearly never will be called When Labour rules. The hand of brotherhood that knits At present Tom and Dick with Jules Will be extended to good Fritz, When Labour rules. The vile capitalistic crew Of human vampires, sharks and ghouls Will vanish in the boundless blue When Labour rules. Our children will be standardized In psycho-analytic schools, And brains completely equalized When Labour rules. O Paradise! O frabjous day! When 'neath the flag of flaming gules Labour shall hold unchallenged sway-- When THOMAS rules. * * * * * [Illustration: FOLLOWING THE ENORMOUS SUCCESS OF _THE DAILY MAIL_ HAT-- --WE LOOK FORWARD ANXIOUSLY TO _THE TIMES_ CRAVAT-- --_THE TELEGRAPH_ COAT-- --_THE CHRONICLE_ QUILTED BAGS --_THE HERALD_ PATENT SABOTS. STUDY OF AN IMPARTIAL READER. =MANNERS AND MODES.=] * * * * * =GENF AND THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS.= "Genf," like "Geneve," is the Swiss for "Geneva." It was selected, nearly two years ago, as the seat of the League of Nations. In a few days the League arrives; and I doubt if any person, firm, company, corporation or league, having provided itself with a seat, ever waited so long before it came and sat upon it.