* * * * * COLD COMFORT. (_It is stated that M. KAMENEFF, on his return to Russia, having fallen out of favour with the Soviet Government, has been appointed Commissar at Taganrog_.) Upon the mighty wheels of life I'm but a very little cog, And, when engaged in active strife, Always the under-dog. No honours yet have come to me (My name is Ebenezer Blogg); I haven't got an O.B.E. Nor yet the Dannebrog. A taxi-man the other night Called me a measly little frog; It's true that in respect of height I can't compare with OG. At school I was the whipping-boy Whom every master used to flog, Although I took no stealthy joy In pipes or cards or grog. The only time that I bestrode A horse, like _Gilpin_ all agog, The creature bolted from the road And plunged me in a bog. I never learned to sing or dance, To bowl or bat, to stick or slog; The only time I crossed to France I struck a Channel fog. I'm old and poor and rather deaf; I'm often very short of prog; Yet still I grudge not KAMENEFF His post at Taganrog. * * * * * [Illustration: _First Bookie_. "I MUST 'AVE TAKEN TWO 'UNDRED QUID TO-DAY. MARVELLOUS! I CAN'T THINK WHERE THE MONEY COMES FROM." _Second Bookie_. "FROM ME MOSTLY."] * * * * * OUR MODEST ADVERTISERS. "To be Sold, small unexceptionally attractive gentleman's Residential Estate." * * * * * There was an American "DAISY" Whose Diary set people crazy; Some called it a fake-- A most venial mistake, For Opals are apt to be hazy. * * * * * [Illustration: _Humble Guest_ (_at Profiteer's castle_). "WHAT THE DEUCE IS THIS?" _Magnificent Flunkey_. "THE TEMPERATURE OF YOUR BATH-WATER, SIR."] * * * * * THE MINISTRY FOR HEROES. _January 1st, 1920._ To the Ministry of Pensions. When demobilised on 5th November last I applied for a disability pension. Having received no official communication on the subject, may I inquire, please, how the matter stands? M. C. BROKE, _Capt._ _February 1st, 1920._ To Lieut. C. M. Broke. I am to acknowledge receipt of your letter of 1/1/20, and to say that you will receive a further communication from this Department in due course. CUTHBERT RUTT, for Ministry of Pensions. _March 1st, 1920._ To the Ministry of Pensions. _Re_ your letter of February 1st, may I inquire how the matter now stands, please? (My rank, by the way, is captain, and my initials are "M. C." not "C. M." I hope you won't mind me mentioning it.) M. C. BROKE, _Capt._ _April 1st, 1920._ To Mr. M. Brake. I am to acknowledge receipt of your letter of 1/3/20 and to request that you will be good enough to state the date upon which you last received a payment on account of your pension.