With reference to your application for disability pension I am to request that you will furnish this Department with a full statement of the circumstances under which you were wounded, giving the following particulars:--Christian and surname (in block letters); regiment; whether (a) demobilised; (b) disembodied; or (c) still serving; whether (a) shot; (b) bayoneted; (c) gassed; (d) shell-shocked; or (e) drowned; Christian and surname (in block letters) of batman, stretcher-bearers and O.i/c hospital ship. CUTHBERT RUTT, for Ministry of Pensions. _September 8th, 1920._ To the Ministry of Pensions. Under medical advice I am to cease corresponding with your admirable Department. It seems a pity, since we have got to know each other so well. I have decided therefore to place the matter in the hands of the Miners' Federation. I do not think I have mentioned the fact before, but I was employed as a miner when I joined up in '14. M. C. BROKE, _Capt._ _September 9th, 1920._ To Captain M. C. Broke. I am directed to inform you that you have been awarded a disability pension at the rate of five hundred pounds per annum. A draft for the amount due, including arrears from 5/11/19--date of disembodiment or demobilisation--was despatched to your address this morning per King's Messenger. I have the honour to be, Sir, Your humble and obedient Servant, CUTHBERT RUTT, for Ministry of Pensions. * * * * * [Illustration: "ONE CROWDED HOUR OF GLORIOUS LIFE." A BIT OF TOBACCO-ASH IN YOUR EYE, YOUR REEL JAMMED, ONE OF YOUR LEGS THROUGH A LOOP OF YOUR LINE AND THE BIGGEST SALMON YOU EVER SAW ON THE OTHER END OF IT.] * * * * * NEW RHYMES FOR OLD CHILDREN. THE GLOW-WORM. The little glow-worm sits and glows As brilliant as the stars, But you are wrong if you suppose That he will light cigars. In fact, he seems to be exempt From Nature's general plan; He never makes the least attempt To be of use to Man. And if you think that it requires A scientific brain To understand his tiny fires Then you are wrong again. The meaning of his shininess Is fairly clear to me; It is intended to impress The future Mrs. G. No doubt you think it is his nose Which gleams across the glen; Well, it is not; the part that glows Is on the abdomen. And very likely that explains Why all these millionaires Buy such expensive shiny chains To hang about on theirs. * * * * * The Editor who read these lines Has quite a different tale; He says it is the _she_ that shines To captivate the male. He has a perfect right to doubt The statements in this song, But if he thinks I'll scratch them out He's absolutely wrong. A. P. H. * * * * * [Illustration: "WHATEVER WILL YOU DO, GRANDPA, WHEN YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR GARDENING?"