"I have all the qualifications for a post in some Government office," writes an Unemployed Ex-Soldier in a contemporary. It is to be hoped that this drawback will be overlooked if his other disqualifications are satisfactory. * * * Washable hats for boys is one of the new inventions at the Leather and Shoe Trade Exhibition. Small boys are now going about in fear that the next discovery will be a washable neck. * * * Six bandits entered the Central Cafe, New York, the other day and took one thousand pounds from the diners. The ease with which they did it suggests that they were mistaken for waiters. * * * A plumber in Aberdeen is giving lessons to a women's class in knitting. It is said that his treatise on How to Crochet a Burst Bath-Pipe is likely to become a standard work. * * * In taking away a safe containing six thousand pounds from a Fenchurch Street office, burglars broke down a door with a thick glass panel. The profession is of the opinion that the blame for this lies with the firm. They had locked the door. * * * _The Daily Chronicle_ informs us that a New York couple who were engaged in 1868 have just been married. But surely the wonder is that they were not married long before. * * * A woman has told the medical officer of Burnham that rats so like the poison being used that they come out of their holes for it while it is being put down. We always make our rats stand up and beg for it. * * * A domestic servant was recently blown out of her mistress's house through the too liberal use of paraffin whilst lighting fires. Luckily, however, it was her day out, so no complications ensued. * * * On being asked his recipe for keeping young, a well-known physician refused to reply. In view of the increasing number of precocious authors, the question again arises, "Should a doctor tell?" * * * _The Daily Express_ states that there is "very little demand for champagne to-day." We fancy this is due to the fact that a number of people are saving up to buy coffee at Messrs. LYONS'. * * * * * [Illustration: THE MORNING TOILET. "OH, LOOK, MUMMY! THERE'S WILFRED DOING HIS HAIR FROM MEMORY."] * * * * * "THE PASSIONATE SPECTATOR." We are asked to say that the above title of a book written by Miss JANE BURR and published by Messrs. DUCKWORTH (it is described on the wrapper as "an entirely unconventional novel founded on original and ultra-modern views concerning life and marriage") has nothing to do with our respected contemporary. * * * * * "GOVERNMENT'S STRIKING ATTITUDE. WAITING TILL THE CAR JUMBS?" _Nigerian Pioneer_. Personally we always try to get out when this seems to be imminent. * * * * * TO OUR PLAY-MAKERS.