"I trust," he said, "that you will pardon the informality of this visit. Lady Risborough is so sorry not to have been able to call yet, but--but--Yes, I was wondering if you'd be so very kind as to do me a little favour? The fact is, our telephone is out of order--most annoying--and I wondered if you would let me use yours. I hear that you have one." "I will take you to it," said Mrs. Brock. "Most kind, most kind!" his lordship was muttering. There was no difficulty in making my escape now. E. V. L. * * * * * [Illustration: "I DO HOPE YOU'LL BE ABLE TO COME TO THE MOTHERS' WELFARE MEETING ON WEDNESDAY. WE'VE PERSUADED A FAMOUS CHEF TO COME AND GIVE US A LECTURE ON 'THE DECAY OF COOKERY.' IT SHOULD BE MOST HELPFUL." "NOT TO ME, MUM. I ALLUS GIVES MINE TO THE PIGS WHEN IT GETS THAT FAR."] * * * * * Mr. Punch desires to express his sincere regret for an injustice done, though without malice, to the Publishers (Messrs. SWEET AND MAXWELL) and the Editor of _Williams' Real Property_, in an article that appeared in the issue of August 18th, under the title, "Blewitt on Real Property." The new edition of _Williams' Real Property_ contains a large amount of fresh material and represents considerable labour spent over the careful revision of the previous edition. * * * * * "At 1 a.m., uninterrupted rifle fire and bomb explosions were audible. It is reported that a French officer was then addressing the crowd." _Times of Malaya_. Our old sergeant-major must look to his laurels. * * * * * THE PEERLESS PROVINCIAL. [A London paper learns from a West End tailor that many people in the North and Midlands now achieve a higher standard of dress than the "man about town."] If perchance you would gaze upon those whose array's Of impeccable texture and cut, It is futile to go to Pall Mall or the Row, Now the haunt of the second-rate nut; Take a train (G.N.R.), for example, as far As Cleckheaton or Cleethorpes-on-Sea, Where each male that you meet, from his head to his feet, Follows Fashion's most recent decree. A legitimate claim to sartorial fame Can be made by the locals at Leek, Whose apparel is apt to be ruthlessly scrapped After having been worn for a week; Trousers bag at the knees in no town on the Tees, And the Londoner has to admit That he cannot compete against Bootle's _elite_, And that Percy of Pudsey is IT. Wigan's well in the van, for her sons to a man Are the ultimate word in cravats And are said to outdo even Cheadle and Crewe In the matter of collars and spats; But the pick of the lot is the privileged spot Where the smart set, the quite _comme il faut_, Have a mentor and guide who is famed far and wide As Bertie the Bridlington Beau. * * * * * THE PASSING OF ALFRED.