[According to a report in a daily paper, at the recent Peace Conference held at Spa, where the delegates were royally entertained in the matter of hotel accommodation, meals, etc., the cigar bill (which has been sent in to the League of Nations and sent out again) amounted to three thousand two hundred pounds. What the delegates could not smoke they seem to have taken away with them.] 'TIS sweet in darkish times like these to see a Rent in the veil which keeps the public blind, And thus obtain a pretty shrewd idea Of what goes on behind; To note how quite an innocent report'll Reveal apparent trifles which befall, Proving that men whom we supposed immortal Are human after all. But here, while I can hardly call you blameful For smoking "free" cigars with so much zest, Frankly I feel 'twas little short of shameful To go and pinch the rest. I can forgive your huge hotel expenses; Your beef was rightly of a super-cut; A modicum of wine does whet the senses; But those cigars--tut, tut! For there's a finer aid to meditation, Much more appropriate, in my humble view, When Nation nestles cheek by jowl with Nation, And far, far cheaper too. So, if you'd really slay Bellona's bow-wows, Might I suggest your vicious ways should cease, And that in future you conduct your pow-wows Over the pipe of peace. * * * * * An Affectionate Diminutive. "Lord Buxton, who retired this summer from the post of High Commissioner and Governor-General of South Africa, has been made an early."--_Daily Paper._ * * * * * A correspondent, referring to Mr. Punch's quotation (from an Australian paper) of the title of a song, "It was a Lover and His Last," suggests "_Ne_ suitor _ultra crepidam._" * * * * * On the coal strike:-- "We look to the Government to keep all doors open. We look to the public to keep cool."--_Westminster Gazette._ The public should have no difficulty in doing its part if the Government do theirs. * * * * * [Illustration: TRANSPORT: PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.] * * * * * [Illustration: _Giles._ "I DIDN'T 'ARDLY AGREE WI' THE VICAR IN WOT 'E SAID ABOUT THEM EARLY MARTYRS BEIN' THROWN TO THE LIONS AN' BURNT AT THE STAKE AN' LIVIN' ON FOR EVER." _Curate._ "WHY NOT?" _Giles._ "WELL, ZUR, NO CONSTITOOTION COULD STAND IT."] * * * * * THE CONSPIRATORS. V. MY DEAR CHARLES,--Let me remind you that the Bolshevist conspirator has to stir up conflagrations in other countries without leaving his own. Passports and things are put in to make it more difficult when he comes to getting his inflammable material and directions for use over the frontier. So he has to invent a way over the obstacles.