After this notice, "Correspondents" will have no one but themselves to thank for the Snub _Mr. Punch's_ silence implies. But is he unwise enough to believe that the plague of foolish Correspondence will thus be stayed? Verily, no. He expects to continue to receive-- 1. Jests that have appeared in his own pages, but which are warranted to have been invented, or heard, "the other day." 2. The jest of the day, one that has been heard a million times. 3. Profane, and even lower jests, sent by creatures who pretend to be readers of _Punch_. 4. Idiotic jests, usually laid upon the shoulders of "my little boy," or "my youngest girl." _Punch_ would pity the children of such parents, but that he generally disbelieves in the existence of the innocents. 5. Sketches, to be used in his next without fail, or, if rejected, to be instantly returned. These burn well, and he prefers those on cardboard, as they crackle prettily. 6. Things, literary or artistic, that have been "dashed off." The mere word "dash" is the cue for instant fire. 7. Compositions, poor in themselves, whose insertion is prayed because the authors are poor also. Is _Mr. Punch_ to perform his charities at the expense of society? 8. Aged jokes, possibly recently heard for the first time by the Stupid Sender, but more probably copied from print. 9. Post-Cards, or communications with the Halfpenny Stamp. These are all selected by his Deputy-Assistant-Under-Secretary, and destroyed unread. 10. Absolute Stupidities. Let them come. And when a Sender getteth no answer, let him take counsel with himself, and consider to which of the above Ten Categories his work belongs. One will certainly fit it. To this Table _Mr. Punch_ will make reference when he may please to do so. Let intending Contributors learn it by heart. Now, laying down the Chopper of LYCURGUS, and putting on the Smile of PLATO, _Mr. Punch_, raising the festal goblet, wisheth to all his faithful and true Disciples, those whose handwritings ever give him joy and gladness,-- [Illustration: A HAPPY NEW YEAR!] TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES Passages in italics were indicated by _underscores_. Passages in bold were indicated by =equal signs=. Small caps were replaced with ALL CAPS. Centered illustration markers were centered either in the column or in the page, while non-centered illustrations were not so centered. Some Illustrations were graphic capital letters. In those illustrations, the capital letter was included within the illustration tag, e.g. [Illustration: B]. At the top of page 2, there was an illustration (Utile Cum Dulce), a poem (Old Ghosts and New), and a short clip (Memorandum for Lords of the Manor). They have all been moved to after the poem (The Nation's New-Year's Day) that continued from page 1.