Tunc posui ante eum pericula duellorum. Juvenes Teutonici omnes ineunt pro duellis, ut habeo auditum. Pater (crudelis!) fecit extreme leve hujus periculi. "Si redeam sine naso, quid tum?" dixi. "Erit propria poena," Gubernator sarcastice respondit, "pro negligente NASONEM ad scholam." Ille, percipis, "ridet ad cicatrices, quia nunquam sensit vulnus." Laudat Caput-Magistros Marlburienses et Harrovienses et Winchesterenses pro expellendo Graecum de Intranti Examinatione pro illis scholis. Sperat ut "in nullo tempore ero bonus Germanus scholaris"; sed ego dubito. Dixi ad eum ut sola Germana verba que nosco sunt "Die Wacht am Rhein." Gubernator respondit ut meus Tutor donaret mihi "die whacks am Rhein" si negligo curriculum studiorum. Jocus est extreme pauper. Admiror si Tutor vere donabit id mihi calidum? O care Editor, nonne potes facere aliquam rem pro retinente me ad Etonas? Tuus disconsolatus, TOMMIUS. * * * * * SEA-DREAMS. _By John Bull_ a propos _of the Naval Manoeuvres._ FALMOUTH in flames! By Jove, that _sounds_ a stunner! FREMANTLE'S given HEWETT a fair "oner," Somehow I feel I'd rather by a hantle, HEWETT had given toko to FREMANTLE. I dare say it's all right; yet there's no telling, What might be the result of _real_ shelling. Like the far-famed young lady of Devizes, FREMANTLE'S _forte_ appears to be surprises, Splendid no doubt, but, after all expenses, I feel more interested in _defences_. Of course for FREMANTLE to dumfog HEWETT, (And show a world of watchers _how to do it_) Is first-rate practice; an eye-opener verily; Only I fancy I should laugh more merrily, If _my_ eyes were the only optics gazing, Upon a feat that's no doubt most amazing; The Thames' mouth occupied by a fine fleet! The sight--as the fleet's mine--of course is sweet, But there's one thought that rather makes me blench:-- _Supposing that FREMANTLE had been French?_ * * * * * "BOOTIFUL."--The good people of Stafford have given HER MAJESTY as a Jubilee present a cabinet containing about two hundred pairs of boots and shoes. Evidently the stock is intended to last until HER MAJESTY reaches her next Jubilee, when, no doubt, the gift will be repeated! * * * * * STRIKING EFFECTS.--For further particulars, apply to the Midland Railway Company. * * * * * [Illustration: INTERIORS AND EXTERIORS. No. 50. GRAND PARLIAMENTARY CRICKET MATCH. (_Facsimile of Sketch by Our Electric Special._)] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.