On our arrival in Africa we found our old friend, UMBUGSOAPYGAS, with his huge battle-axe (playfully called Kosikutums or "the brain-pricker," from a habit he had of chipping life out of a man's cranium), awaiting us. He was a huge savage, with a large piece of loose skin concealing the right side of his face, which was absolutely boneless. UMBUGSOAPYGAS was delighted to see us. "O cove, O cove-dat-am-cool!"--(Oh individual, oh individual without the influence of passion!)--"brave one, great one! Let me come with thee to swim in gore!" I let him say this, as I saw his enthusiasm was producing a marked effect upon the minds of some niggers that were listening to him. But after he had said it, I thought it better to stop his vapouring; for there is nothing I hate so much, as this Zulu system of extravagant praising--"zwaggering," as they call it. "Shut up!" I cried, the more especially as I saw that he was getting the blood-fever upon him, and savagely destroying with his huge axe a spider's cobweb. He gave me a sort of nod, and seized the niggers by their throats until their eyes cracked. Then, with roars of laughter (for they really looked most ridiculous), we followed the blacks into the boat, and went to the Mission House of the Rev. BANG MCSAXPENCE, without any further adventure than cutting off at the wrist the hand of one of the murderous tribe of Lorkymussies. CHAPTER II.--MISSION WORK IN SOUTH AFRICA. The Rev. BANG MCSAXPENCE and his wife and child lived in great comfort amidst the people they had taught so carefully. I do not quite know what the educational curriculum happened to be, but no doubt it would have merited the approval of the London School Board. They had a French cook, called ADOLPHE, who seemingly had been obtained from a travelling Circus that no doubt had passed the Mission House in the course of a provincial tour. "Oh, the monster! See the horrible man. He is a Mister Black," said ADOLPHE, looking at UMBUGSOAPYGAS. The savage in a moment had dragged out the little Frenchman's eyes, thrown them high in the air, rubbed them in salt, and replaced them in their sockets. BONG, Sir HARRY, and I could not help laughing. A little later we were called in by Mrs. BANG MCSAXPENCE, and soon were enjoying a really good cup of tea, I was putting forth my hand for a fresh supply, when the breakfast-things were knocked over by a head freshly severed from the trunk. "Rough and _reddy_!" I suggested, with a laugh. "Another carpet spoiled!" said gentle Mrs. MCSAXPENCE, trying to wipe out the deep crimson stain. "This is serious," observed the Rev. BANG MCSAXPENCE arming himself with a carving-knife, "the Lorkymussies are upon us. And, to cause me greater annoyance, they have kidnapped my daughter TOTTIE." This turned out to be the case, and although we could not help smiling at the notion of a fair-haired little girl being at the mercy of some clumsy, tomahawking, brutal cannibals, we felt very sorry for the bereaved father.