AMENDMENT TO LAND BILL.--"That any tenant unable to pay his rent should sell his holding before the next gale day. That this process should be known for the purposes of this Act as 'The Sale before the Gale.'" * * * * * [Illustration: A CAUTION TO THE UNWARY! _He._ "ALLOW ME TO TAKE YOU IN TO SUPPER." _She._ "OH, DO WAIT A MINUTE! LOOK--THERE'S THAT MAN PROPOSING TO MAY THISSLEDOWN ON THE BALCONY! I MUST SEE WHAT SHE SAYS!!"] * * * * * A CHESS-SHIRE CHEESE. FRANKFORT.--Had no end of a good time over here, at the Chess Congress. Played all the cracks, and beat 'em all! You mayn't have heard of this in the newspapers, because, for reasons which would not be of any general interest, I felt bound to _enter under a false name_. BLACKBURNE said he'd "never seen such gambits as mine." ZUKERTORT was so irritated at my beating him three times running, that he actually exclaimed, "Gambit all!"--Excuse the force of the expression; perhaps he thought he was in the Lobby of the House of Commons.--"I'll never play that fellow again as long as I live!" You'll see from this that, though the games weren't drawn, some of the competitors were. There were two Russian chess-players present. I played one, got him on to a dispute about the Afghan frontier, and adroitly took his Queen off the board when he wasn't looking. He seemed surprised, but I assured him it was all right, and scored an easy win. Herr HARMONIST _might have_ beaten me, but as it was a very hot day, I proposed playing under a tree in the hotel-garden. Then I purposely took a long time over each move. The worthy Teuton became thirsty. Lager beer began to flow. It flowed so much that after five hours the Herr didn't know the difference between Bishop and Pawn! That was _my_ move. Of course he was badly beaten. Only time _I_ was beaten was one game with BLACKBURNE. He offered to play me blind-fold; I took the opportunity, while he was thinking over his plan of campaign, to relieve him of his watch and purse, and was just going to pull off his boots when he called "Check-mate!" However, I think I got the best of the encounter on the whole. I call it (in private) the "rook gambit." I ended up by a marvellous _tour de force_. I played every one of the competitors--twenty-one in all--at the same time, and beat the entire number of them! The Frenchman retired from the contest, _simply because he was piqued at my superior skill_. He said--most unfairly--my proceedings were "not above board;" also said he objected on principle to a game with a King and Queen it. Would you believe it, but professional jealousy actually prevented my being declared the Chess Champion! Never mind! Got my board (and lodging) gratis. Had high jinks, and free drinks, at the Frankfort _pawn_-shop--see the joke? You'll hear of me at the next International Chess Congress, without fail. * * * * * SUMMER BOATING SONG.