Supposing politicians of every shade of opinion to be present, your best course will be to at once introduce some "burning" subject of the day--say, Home Rule, or the personal character of Mr. GLADSTONE or Lord SALISBURY. Your host will be delighted, and you will be surprised to find what a brisk conversation you have initiated. Always talk "shop." It gives local colour to your style. For instance, if you are a lawyer, and you see another legal gentleman at table, engage him in a conversation as to "that curious Equity point in the case of _The Queen_ v. _the Executors of Muggins, deceased_, before the V.-C." Make your comments as technical as possible. If you don't soon "get the table in a roar," it will be astonishing. By the way, there are two kinds of "roar." Avoid the least appearance of shyness. This is a pushing age. If you are really bashful by nature, assume a haughty and forbidding demeanour to cover it. This will make you universally liked. Spice your talk with jokes. Invent at least six good puns for use at any dinner to which you may be invited, and bring them out,--naturally, if you can, but at any rate _bring them out! E.g._ If you are in Dublin, in a company consisting of fervid Nationalists, who bitterly resent the imprisonment of their Chief Magistrate, remark jocosely that "you hope his Lordship is not suffering much from _mal de Mayor_!" Conversely, when present at a dinner of Loyalists, refer to the eminent Liberal-Unionist Leader as "HALF-HARTINGTON." In either case your host is sure to ask you to come again. _Monopolise_ the conversation. CARLYLE did this, and so did MACAULAY, so why shouldn't you? You may be a MACAULAY without knowing the fact. Remember that people like _anecdotes_. This is how HAYWARD got his reputation. Don't hesitate because somebody has said that "all the good stories have been told." If so, tell them again without flinching. Practise allusive and apparently unconscious swagger in private. When you are sure that you can refer to "my friend the Duke of St. DAVID'S," at a dinner-party without the slightest change of inflexion in your voice and in a perfectly natural manner, you are fitted to adorn any society--even the lowest. Never humour women who try to talk learnedly. Bring the conversation down to feeding-bottles and keep it there. They will in reality appreciate your kindness and knowledge of female nature, even if they appear at the moment to resent it deeply. * * * * * VOCES POPULI. SCENE--_An Italian Restaurant--anywhere in the Metropolis. Only a few of the small dining-tables are occupied as Scene opens. Near the buffet is a small lift communicating with the kitchen, and by the lift a speaking-tube._ _Enter an_ Adorer _with his_ Adored; _he leads the way down the centre of the room, flushed and jubilant--he has not been long engaged, and this is the very first time he has dined with Her like this_.