SIR,--The reason why I have not hitherto contributed to the controversy on the recent unhappy (Police) Divisions is, because I have been laid up in the Hospital. Never mind which Hospital--but I have not been so comfortable since I had the mumps, years and years ago, at school. Being a born economist, I naturally turned out in my myriads to assist at a gratis show in Trafalgar Square; and, Sir, I never came so near realising what a "dead head" was in the whole course of a chequered (not to say chuckered) career. But do I turn round and abuse the Police? Why, ever since that fortunate Sunday, I have enjoyed, at no expense to myself, the most delicate of viands, the tenderest of nursing, and a complete immunity from even the suggestion of getting anything to do; and, in addition to all this, the satisfaction of having employed the services of a force to whose maintenance I have never contributed one farthing. But soft, a nurse approaches, and I must dissemble. Yours, in Clover, FREEMAN GRUBBER. * * * * * "Re-Joyce!" The Woodford tenants Must have liquor'd To hear of the penance Of Lord CLANRICARDE. * * * * * A RASHER THEORY OF BACON. DEAR MR. PUNCH, I. It is plain that the _soi-disant_ SHAKSPEARE was poor to the end of his days. This is proved by MILTON'S sonnet beginning-- "What needs my SHAKSPEARE for his honour'd bones?" This shows that the person in question was in the habit of selling his kitchen refuse, and more noteworthy still, that MILTON was in the habit of buying it. Whether out of respect for the vendor, which would go a long way towards proving the esteem in which he was held, or because MILTON was in the marine store line at this period, I leave to Mr. DONNELLY to decide. II. It is certain that there is a cypher in the _Midsummer Night's Dream_. _Pyramus_ has the line, "O, dainty duck. O, dear!" Now "duck" stands with cricketers for 0, and 0 is a cypher (or is it figures that are cyphers? but, never mind). Therefore we have here the expression, "O, dainty cypher, O, dear!" which proves conclusively, that the cypher was dainty,--exquisite, elaborated; and also that BAKSPEARE was heartily tired of it, unless, "dear" refers to the terms he had to pay to SHAKON to hold his tongue. But the fact that the supposed author used to sell bones, and inferentially rags, to MILTON, rather militates against this hypothesis. And here note what a flood of light is thrown upon the disappearance of the manuscripts. They were indubitably sold, with the honoured rags and bones to MILTON, who has certainly more than one suspicious coincidence of thought and phraseology, especially in his earlier poems.