_Metropolitan Board of Shirks Compromising Architect's Department, Spring Heel Gardens, February 19._ SIR.--I am utterly astounded at the insolence of your response to my request, and thus fling back your tickets (re-enclosed) in your face. Do you know, Sir, who I am? _Are you aware that I can make your theatre too hot to hold you?_ Do you reflect that I can force you to open up a dozen,--ay, and if need be, twenty-four--new and roomy exits on every blessed floor in your house. And yet, with this knowledge, you dare to haggle in your mind over the price of three paltry boxes on the Grand Tier. Why, you must be mad!--stark! However, to be plain with you, I'll tell you what it is. Unless you send me by return the places I have named, and which, as an Official of the Board, have the goodness to understand, _I claim as a right_, I'll let loose a Committee of Inspection on you in two twos, without notice, and if, after they've paid you a visit, they leave you a single leg to stand upon, I promise you it won't be the fault of Yours, meaning business, officially, JOHN BEGG. _From Same to Same, after receipt of various Complimentary Admissions, making still further demands._ _Metropolitan Board of Shirks, Compromising Architect's Department, Spring Heel Gardens, March 1._ MY VERY DEAR SIR,--Thank you for the last six Private Boxes, which, although not all of them in quite first-rate positions, enabled me to knock on a few obligations that I was under to certain importunate friends and connections. But I am now going to tax your kindness still further. _I wish to give all my tradesmen a treat_, and should like them to have the Queen's Box in turn. I am, therefore, sending you the addresses of my butcher, my baker, my bootmaker, milkman, greengrocer, and my tailor, and request that you will communicate directly with them, with a view to finding out on what nights they could most conveniently visit the theatre, and arranging accordingly. Please be careful to direct the envelopes carefully and legibly, as I should be sorry that any carelessness on your part should lead to disagreeables over the matter. Indeed, as long as you keep me well supplied with the places I require on the Grand Tier, I _have no wish to be nasty_. But you know, from experience, it won't do to put my back up, and that rather than put an official spoke into your wheel, I would always prefer to receive your orders, and be able to sign myself, as I do now, Yours cordially, JOHN BEGG. _From Same to Same, on receiving Apologetic and Explanatory Letter enclosing sixteen undated Stalls._ _Metropolitan Board of Shirks, Compromising Architect's Department, Spring Heel Gardens, March 4._