_À propos_ of the Granville Express, _Mr. Punch_ had the pleasure of dining at the Granville Hotel the other evening, and a better dinner, better chosen, cooked, and served, could not be got anywhere in London, or out of it. The proprietor, Mr. QUATERMAIN EAST, may not wish this to be generally known, but _Mr. Punch_, who specially compliments the _chef_ on his clear turtle and whitebait, thinks that he shall be doing a service to everybody by not keeping secret the story of this QUATERMAIN--not Mr. RIDER HAGGARD'S "_Allan_,"--who means to remain the "Q in the corner" of the Isle of Thanet. "Q. E. D." and "D" stands for "Dinner." * * * * * [Illustration: LATEST STREET IMPROVEMENT. _Regent Street Tradesman._ "LOOK HERE, MR. POLICEMAN, AS WE WANT THE JOB OF CLEARING UP THIS PLACE WELL DONE, WE'LL DO IT OURSELVES."] * * * * * "IF you want a thing done, you should do it yourself," Is an excellent maxim, no doubt, in its way; But, when citizens willingly part with their pelf, They're entitled to claim some return for their pay. BULL does _not_ pay Bobbies to lounge on their beats, And leave him at last to look after his streets. About "Law and Order" there's plenty of talk, But Order seems missing, and Law appears blind. The streets of his City in safety to walk, After stumping up taxes of every kind, Is surely not much for a man to expect, And excuses for failure he's prone to reject. Sure, Regent Street is not Alsatia--not quite, And this handing it over to rufflers and pests, At whatever hour of the day or the night, Is a thing against which civic judgment protests; And BULL, when once roused, be you sure, will determine Against caving in to noctivagant vermin. Must Trade, then, turn scavenger, tradesmen turn out With besom and basket to keep their ways clean? The Bigwigs and Bobbies might like it, no doubt, But BULL will demand what the dickens they mean. He'll have his streets decent by daylight or dark; For why should a man who keeps dogs have to bark? FROM "NORMA."--Moonlight Serenade for Three Voices--a Magistrate, a Policeman, and a Home Secretary--in Regent Street:--"_Cass-ta Diva, Incantatrice!_" * * * * * "GESTA GRAYORUM."