Who, though some compromise I sought, And did not wish the matter fought, Before a jury had it brought? My Lawyer. Who, though at last I got enraged, The battle still more stoutly waged, And leading Counsel, three, engaged? My Lawyer. Who, when, of course, my case went wrong, Because it wasn't worth a song, Sent in a bill twelve pages long? My Lawyer. And who, now that I'm wiser grown, And to this book for aid have flown, Would still on me inflict his own? My Lawyer. Yet now, spite all his legal tricks, Henceforth this work, price six-and-six, Shall promptly be, in every fix, My Lawyer. * * * * * [Illustration: "WHAT'S THE NEXT FASHION?" "Varium et mutabile semper Foemina." _Madame France._ "I WONDER WHICH WILL SUIT ME BEST, AFTER ALL. I'M BEGINNING TO BE TIRED OF THIS."] * * * * * CRICKET AT LORD'S. _Hits by Dumb Crambo, Junior._ [Illustration: Some fine Free Hitting.] [Illustration: Well Stopped!] * * * * * THE LESSON OF THE ROYAL REVIEW. (_By Our Special Scientific Experimentalist._) It was with great satisfaction that I received my orders to visit Aldershot on the occasion of the Royal Review, "to deduce from the display the exact position occupied by England amongst the Powers of Europe as a Military Nation." I felt that hardly a better man could have been chosen for the task. My experience in the four divisions of the globe, my knowledge of the wars of the last three quarters of a century, exactly fitted me for the task. I said to myself, "I am intrusted with the performance of a solemn and sacred duty. I am asked to carefully report upon the condition of a large body of men, with a view to sampling the entire British Army. The large body of men shall have my careful consideration." Actuated by these worthy motives, I left Waterloo in the early morn (it was scarcely nine o'clock), and travelled to Aldershot. On my way down I entered into discussion with four civilians, whose interest in the day's proceedings seemed to be centred in the great question of lunch. It was in vain that I attempted to sound them upon the efficiency or the reverse of the Auxiliary Forces (they were all more or less connected with the Volunteers), because they confined their conversation to where they were likely to find So-and-So's drag on Bourley Wood, and where the ---- Volunteer Battalion of the Royal Such-and-Such a Regiment was situated. "What do you think of canvass as a shelter?" I asked, note-book in hand.