_Miss Cross._ It's not what you _said_--you said _a_ order. (_Makes out the orders with much disdain._) Three-halfpence to pay. _Second M. M. (returning)._ Oh, I quite forgot--will you kindly cash this order for me? _Miss O._ Not till you've signed it. _Second M. M._ Bless my heart, I quite forgot it ought to be signed! Could you oblige me with a pen for one moment? _Miss O._ There's a desk over there for all that. _Second M. M._ I--I thought if you would let me sign it here, it would save time--the desk is occupied at present I observe. _Miss O. (dabs a pen in the inkstand, and pushes it disdainfully through the wire net-work.)_ Give it back when you've finished with it. [_She is apparently alarmed lest it should be secured as a Souvenir._ _Enter_ Imperious Customer, _and approaches screen with lordly air_. _Imperious Customer (blusterously)._ Here you--one of you, let me have a penny stamp, and a packet of thin post-cards, and two half-penny wrappers, will you? and look sharp! _Miss C. and Miss O. (becoming instantly all smiles.)_ Certainly, Sir. (_They vie with one another in activity._) Postcards in that drawer ... I'll get the wrappers--ninepence-halfpenny, Sir, and thank you. Good morning, Sir. [_Exit_ Imperious Stranger _snatching up his purchases and ignoring parting smiles from behind the screen_. Mild Men _store up the lesson for use on future occasions. Scene closes in_. * * * * * How's That? "THE A B C of Cricket you must get," Says a great Critic, "if you would succeed." _Punch_ then presumes 'tis by that Alphabet A Cricketer may learn to (WALTER) READ! * * * * * COINS OF THE REALM.--'ARRY remarks that the Tories are led by a "Bob" (CECIL), the Parnellites can boast the possession of a "TANNER," whilst the Liberal Unionists make the most of their "JOEY." * * * * * ON THE JAR.--The French have a proverb, "_il faut qu'une porte soit ouverte ou fermée_." This evidently does not apply to the Sublime Porte, which seems generally "neither one thing nor t' other." * * * * * IT was settled at the last meet of the Coaching Club that Mr. EATON, M.P., the new Peer, is to be crowned not with laurels, but with his own bays. * * * * * THE BARD AT HENLEY. (_A Reminiscence._) [Illustration: Retirement after the Jubilee Fortnight. "Far from the Madding Crowd."] OH, Friday was lovely! The Bard who now sings Saw Princes, Princesses, a Duke, and two Kings, His Indian Highness, called RAS KUTCH THAKORE, NAWAB GAFFER JUNG and several more. They saw the best racing, then went to lunch with The Closuring Commoner, our Mr. SMITH. 'Twas Jubilee Weather! the Course was well kept! Oh, champagne! and Oh, headache! I sighed--and then slept.