"Silence!" said the Ailment, with great dignity. "You must learn to treat me with the respect due to my exalted station. And please don't call me 'Cold-in-the-head,' for I am known as 'The Russian Influenza!'" Then the Ailment turned towards _Mr. Punch_, who (as was his wont) was smiling, and bade him do homage. "Not a bit of it," exclaimed the Sage of Fleet Street, raising a glass of Ammoniated Tincture of Quinine to his lips, and quaffing merrily a teaspoonful. "I defy you! You are puffed up with conceit, my poor little Illness, and when, in a few weeks' time, we have another sensation to talk and think about, you will sink back into your native obscurity." And _Mr. Punch_ (as the event will prove) was--as he always is--entirely right! * * * * * AT THE PORTE ST. MARTIN.--If there were ever any question as to the genius of SARA BERNHARDT, she has now settled it by appearing as _Jeanne d'Arc_, and showing us what she is Maid of. By the way, as of course she wears golden or auburn hair, _Jeanne d'Arc_ must appear as _Jeanne_ Light. Irreverent scoffers may say this is historically correct, as from their point of view _Joan_ was rather light-headed. Of course, _Joan_ is coming over to London. Why not to Mr. HARE'S Theatre, and finish the evening with a prime Garrick Stake. * * * * * [Illustration: MR. PUNCH'S EXHIBITION OF GRAND "OLD MASTERS."] * * * * * [Illustration: "ALL ALIVE!" _Cheesemonger._ "WHAT IS IT, MY DEAR?" _Little Girl._ "OH, MOTHER'S SENT BACK THIS PIECE O' CHEESE, 'CAUSE FATHER SAYS IF WE WANTS ANY BAIT WHEN HE'S A GOIN' A FISHIN', HE CAN DIG 'EM UP IN OUR GARDEN!"] * * * * * A COMING BIG BORE. _Being a probable Extract from the "City Intelligence" for 1900._ THE half-yearly meeting to discuss the Report just issued by the Chairman and Directors of the Amalgamated International Anglo-French Submarine Channel Tunnel Railway Company was held in the Company's Fortress Boardroom yesterday afternoon, and, owing to the present critical Continental outlook, as might have been expected, succeeded in securing the attendance of an unusually large number of shareholders.