Them parties think they can mix a drink as'll take the shine out o' GODFREY or DAFFY, But they're both mistook, _they_ don't know their book, though one is "genial", and t'other chaffy. They'll raise a row when they find out how I have managed to silence the child, by drugging. Wot's the use of fuss? Where's the monthly nuss as can manage without a bit of 'umbugging! And now, havin' fixed the hinfant up, I'm a going to drop him in somebody's doorway. Hullo! Here's the house of that County Council! I fancies now it is rather in _your_ way! You're up to everythink, you swells are, from "Betterment" to the claims of Cabby. You've a lot to learn; so jest have a turn--as I hope you'll like--at this Blessed Babby! It "turns up on a doorstep unbeknown", like the child referred to by DICKENS'S _Sairey_. Come! Here's the Babby, and there's the Bottle! I'm no monopolist--quite contrairy. Without its Bottle I couldn't leave it; the babe might 'unger, wich Evins forbid of it! But, havin' purvided for it so nicely, I'll shunt it on you, gents,--(_aside_)--_and glad to get rid of it!_ * * * * * "ALLOWED TO STARVE."--The Editor begs to acknowledge remittance from "Miss G. D." and "W. M.", in aid of the Balaclava Survivors, which he has handed to the Editor of the _St. James's Gazette_, who is in charge of this Fund. * * * * * WARE BRUMMAGEM! "As sure as a gun" is a worthy old phrase That doesn't quite seem to apply in our days; And that man is a cynic, or talking in fun, Who says he's "as sure as an 'African' gun." The Birmingham gun-makers loudly protest That their products are good, if they're not quite the best. _Mr. Punch_ with the Brummagem boys will not quarrel, But all guns should be trustworthy, stock, lock and barrel; Be the game one is after an Arab or pheasant, The chance of a barrel that bursts is not pleasant. Good work brings good pay, as it always has done; That (in the old sense) is "as sure as a gun!" * * * * * MRS. R. has been uncommonly humorous lately. She observed, "What a foolish remark it was of Dr. JOHNSON'S to say that 'who makes a pen would pick a pocket.'" "Unless", she added, struck with a brilliant idea, "he was thinking of 'steel pens.' But I don't think there were any in his time." [Illustration: "BABY BUNG." NURSE RITCHIE. "THERE YOU ARE, MY LITTLE DEAR,--_THEY_'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU!"] * * * * * [Illustration: AUTOMATIC ARBITRATION. NO MORE EXORBITANT FEES! NO MORE LAW! NO MORE TRIALS!] * * * * * VOCES POPULI. THE TRAVELLING MENAGERIE. OUTSIDE.