Produced by Neville Allen, Malcolm Farmer and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOLUME 98. MAY 24, 1890. * * * * * MR. PUNCH'S MORAL MUSIC-HALL DRAMAS. No. XI.--THE RIVAL DOLLS. "Miss JENNY and POLLY Had each a new dolly."--_Vide Poem._ CHARACTERS. _Miss Jenny_ } } By the Sisters LEAMAR. _Miss Polly_ } _The Soldier Doll_} } By the Two ARMSTRONGS. _The Sailor Doll_ } SCENE--_A Nursery. Enter_ Miss JENNY and Miss POLLY, _who perform a blameless step-dance with an improving chorus_. Oh, isn't it jolly! we've each a new dolly, And one is a Soldier, the other's a Tar! We're fully contented with what's been presented, Such good little children we both of us are! [_They dance up to a cupboard, from which they bring out two large Dolls, which they place on chairs._ _Miss J._ _Don't_ they look nice! Come, POLLY, let us strive To make ourselves believe that they're alive! _Miss P._ (addressing Sailor D.). I'm glad you're mine. I dote on all that's nautical. _The Sailor D. (opening his eyes suddenly)._ Excuse me, Miss, your sister's more _my_ sort o' gal! [_Kisses his hand_ to Miss J., _who shrinks back, shocked and alarmed_. _Miss J._ Oh, POLLY, did you hear? I feel so shy! _The Soldier D. (with mild self-assertion)._ _I_ can say "Pa" and "Ma"--and wink my eye. [_Does so at_ Miss P., _who runs in terror to_ Miss J.'s _side_. _Miss J._ Why, both are showing signs of animation! _Miss P._ Who'd think we had such strong imagination! _The Soldier Doll_ (_aside to the_ Sailor D.). I say, old fellow, we have caught their fancy-- In each of us they now a real man see! Let's keep it up! _The Sailor D. (dubiously)._ D'ye think as we can _do_ it? _The Soldier D._ You stick by me, and I will see you through it. Sit up, and turn your toes out,--don't you loll; Put on the Man, and drop the bloomin' Doll! [_The_ Sailor Doll _pulls himself together, and rises from chair importantly_. _The Sailor D. (in the manner of a Music-hall Chairman)_--Ladies, with your kind leave, this gallant gent Will now his military sketch present. [Miss J. _and_ P. applaud; _the_ Soldier D., _after feebly expostulating, is induced to sing_. _Song, by the Soldier Doll._ When I used to be displayed In the Burlington Arcade, With artillery arrayed Underneath. Shoulder Hump! I imagine that I made All the Lady Dolls afraid, I should draw my battle-blade From its sheath, Shoulder Hump! For I'm Mars's gallant son, And my back I've shown to none, Nor was ever seen to run From the strife! &c. Oh, the battles I'd have won, And the dashing deeds have done, If I'd ever fired a gun In my life! &c. _Refrain (to be sung marching round Stage)._