Here is a suggestion for the effective compression and reduction of the Opera, and if my plan be accepted, DRURIOLANUS will earn the eternal gratitude of those who would like to hear all that is good in it, and to skip, as PALLADINO does, the rest. Thus:-- ACT I.--_Enter_ HAMLET. _Solo. Exit. Enter_ OPHELIA. _Solo. Re-enter_ HAMLET. OPHELIA _and_ HAMLET _love-duet. Exit_ OPHELIA. HAMLET'S _Friends come in, and he sings them a Drinking Song with Chorus. All join in Chorus and Dance. Curtain_. [Illustration: An awkward moment for Hamlet. Row with his Mother and Ophelia.] ACT II.--_Opening Chorus (anything; it doesn't matter if it's only pretty and bright). Enter_ HAMLET. _Solo_. "_Être, ou ne pas être." Enter_ OPHELIA _with book, pretends not to see_ HAMLET. _Solo. Enter_ Queen. OPHELIA _complains to her that_ HAMLET _isn't behaving like a gentleman._ Queen _upbraids_ HAMLET: _So does_ OPHELIA: HAMLET _depressed, Exit_ Queen R.H. _Exit_ OPHELIA L.H. HAMLET _remains, evidently going mad_. PALLADINO _looks in. Dances_. HAMLET _joins her. Enter Friends, Courtiers, Peasants, and other Friends. All join in ballet_, HAMLET _included. Enter_ Keepers, _and_ HAMLET _is taken off to Hanwellhagen_. OPHELIA _rushes in, faints. Curtain_. ACT III.--_Meadows near Hanwellhagen, in Denmark. Dance of Lunatics, out for a holiday. To them enter OPHELIA. All the charming music, delightful, and, this being finished, she chucks herself away into the stream. Curtain_. Great call for everybody concerned. And, if the above scheme be adopted, the Opera would be over before eleven, having begun at nine. I present this with my compliments to DRURIOLANUS and AMBROISE THOMAS; and, if he is not "a doubting THOMAS," he will try this plan. The remainder of the week passed away happily, so I hear, but was not able to be in my place, as I was at somebody else's place far, far away. The Opera has been, from the first, a big success. Should like to hear _Masaniello_ once again. Perhaps that is a treat in store for all of us. Thus ends the Opera-goer's Diary for 1890, and everybody is highly satisfied and delighted. Curtain. * * * * * MUSICAL PARADOX. When Autumn comes, our womenfolk prepare To grind the "old old tune" called "change of air." * * * * * [Illustration: MRS. HIGHFLYER'S DANCE, 2 A.M. "AH! IT'S ALL VERY WELL FOR THE FOOTMEN,--AND IT'S ALL VERY WELL FOR THE GALS,--BUT IT'S PRECIOUS 'ARD ON US COACHMEN AND THE PORE MOTHERS!"] * * * * * "OUR TURN NOW!" _OR, MR. BULL AND THE WANDERING MINSTRELS._