PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 99. August 30, 1890. [Illustration] "WHY NOT LIVE OUT OF LONDON?" SIR,--Capital subject recently started _Daily Telegraph_, with the above title. Just what I've been saying to my wife for years past. "Why don't _you and the family_ live out of London," I have asked. And she has invariably replied, "Oh, yes, and what would _you_ be doing in London?" I impress upon her that being the "bread-winner" (beautiful word, this!) my duty is to be on the spot where the bread is won. I prove to her, in figures, that it is much cheaper for her and the family to live out of town, and for me to come down and see them, occasionally. Isn't it cheaper for one to go to a theatre than four? Well, this applies everywhere all round. With my Club and a good room I could get on very well and very reasonably in London, and in the country my wife and family _would positively save enormously_ by my absence, _as only the necessaries of life would be required_. Dressing would be next to nothing, so to speak, and they'd be out of reach of the temptations which London offers to those who love theatre entertainments, lunches at pastrycooks', shows, and shopping. Yes, emphatically, I repeat, "Why not live out of London?" _But she won't._ Yours, ONE IN A THOUSAND. SIR,--"Why not live out of London?" Of course. I _do_ live "out of London," and make a precious good living too out of London. My friends the Butcher, the Baker, the Greengrocer (not a very green grocer either), the Tailor, the Shoemaker, &c., &c., all say the same as Yours cheerily, CHARLES CHEDDAR _(Cheesemonger)._ SIR,--I only wish everybody I don't want to see _in_ London would live _out of it_. What a thrice blessed time August would be then! Though indeed I infinitely appreciate small mercies _now_. At all events, most people are away, my Club is not closed, and I can enjoy myself pretty thoroughly. Yours, _Elbow Room Club_. BEAU WINDER. SIR,--"Why not live out of London?" _Because one can't._ Out of London there is only "existence." Is life worth living anywhere except in London--and Paris; if you happen to be there? No, no; those who like living "out of London," had better not live at all. Yours, HIPPY CURE. * * * * * MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES. PRIVATE THEATRICALS. "_Tisn't a part that I_ feel, _and I fear I shall make a failure;" i.e.,_ "Easy as be blowed, but _I_'m thrown away upon it." TRADE EMBELLISHMENTS. "_The Ching-Twangs Central China Tea Company's selected growth of Early Green Leaf Spring Pickings;" i.e.,_ "A damaged cargo and last year's rotten sweepings, mingled with chipped broom, dried cabbage, and other equally suitable and inviting ingredients." AT LUNCHEON.