Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, August 9, 1890 — John Shaqi
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, August 9, 1890Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, August 9, 1890
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
_Thursday._--"True, TOBY," OLD MORALITY said, in reply to an
observation, "I am a little tired, and naturally; things haven't been
going so well as they did; but I could get along well enough if it
wasn't for SUMMERS. CONEYBEARE'S cantankerous; STORY is strenuous;
TANNER tedious; and DILLON denunciatory. But there's something about
SUMMERS that is peculiarly aggravating. In the first place, he is, as
far as appearances go, such a quiet, amiable, inoffensive young man.
Looking at him, one would think that butter wouldn't melt in his
mouth, much less that Mixed Marriages in Malta should keep him awake
at night, and the question of International Arbitration should lower
his appetite. Yet you know how it is. He seems to have some leisure
on his hands; uses it to formulate conundrums; comes down here, and
propounds them to me. Just look at his list for to-night.
LINTORN SIMMONDS'S Mission to the POPE; Customs' Duty in Algeria;
International Arbitration; Walfish Bay, and Damara Land, together with
the view the Cape Colonies may take of the Anglo-German Agreement.
That pretty well for one night; but he's gone off now, to look up a
fresh batch, which he'll unfold to-morrow. Now is the winter of our
discontent, which is chilly enough; but, for my part, I often think
that life would be endurable only for its SUMMERS."
Haven't often heard OLD MORALITY speak so bitterly; generally, even at
worst time, overflowing with geniality; ready to take kindest view of
circumstances, and hope for the best. But SUMMERS, surveying mankind
from China to Peru in search of material for fresh conundrum, too much
for mildest-mannered man. OLD MORALITY, goaded to verge of madness,
jumps up; hotly declines to reply to SUMMERS; begs him to address his
questions to Ministers to whose Department they belonged.
_Business done._--Local Taxation Bill through Committee.
_Friday._--Still in our ashes live our wonted fires. Dwelling just now
amid ashes of expiring Session; everything dull and deadly; pounding
away at Local Taxation Bill; Scotch Members to the fore, for the
fortieth time urging that the £40,000 allotted them in relief of
school fees shall be made £90,000. House divides, and also for
fortieth time says "No;" expect to go on with next Amendment; when
suddenly HARCOURT springs on OLD MORALITY'S back, digs his knuckles
into his eyes, bites his ear, and observes that he "has never seen a
piece of more unexampled insolence." OLD MORALITY, when he recovers
breath, goes and tells the Master--I mean the SPEAKER. SPEAKER says
HARCOURT shouldn't use language like that; so HARCOURT subsides, and
incident closes as rapidly and suddenly as it opened.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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