You lie on the oaken mantle-shelf, A cigar of high degree, An old cigar, a large cigar, A cigar that was given to me. The house-flies bite you day by day-- Bite you, and kick, and sigh-- And I do not know what the insects say, But they creep away and die. My friends they take you gently up, And lay you gently down; They never saw a weed so big, Or quite so deadly brown. They, as a rule, smoke anything They pick up free of charge; But they leave you to rest while the bulbuls sing Through the night, my own, my large! The dust lies thick on your bloated form, And the year draws to its close, And the baccy-jar's been emptied--by My laundress, I suppose. Smokeless and hopeless, with reeling brain, I turn to the oaken shelf, And take you down, while my hot tears rain, And smoke you, you brute, myself. * * * * * [Illustration: PARNELL'S PARLIAMENTARY PUPPETS. THE STRINGS IN A TANGLE!] * * * * * [Illustration: LORD'S IN DANGER. THE M.C.C. GO OUT TO MEET THE ENEMY. "Sir EDWARD WATKIN proposes to construct a Railway passing through Lord's Cricket Ground."] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. _House of Commons, Monday, December 1._--Tithes Bill down for Second Reading. GRAND YOUNG GARDNER places Amendment on the paper, which secures for him opportunity of making a speech. Having availed himself of this, did not move his Amendment; opening thus made for STUART-RENDEL, who had another Amendment on the paper. Would he move it? Only excitement of Debate settled round this point. Under good old Tory Government new things in Parliamentary procedure constantly achieved. Supposing half-a-dozen Members got together, drew up a number of Amendments, then ballot for precedence, they might arrange Debate without interposition of SPEAKER. First man gets off his speech, omits to move Amendment: second would come on, and so on, on to the end of list. But STUART-RENDEL moved Amendment, and on this Debate turned. [Illustration: Osborne Ap Morgan.] Not very lively affair, regarded as reflex of passionate protestation of angry little Wales. OSBORNE AP MORGAN made capital speech, but few remained to listen. Welshmen at outset meant to carry Debate over to next day; couldn't be done; and by half-past eleven, STUART-RENDEL's Amendment negatived by rattling majority.