Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, December 27, 1890Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, December 27, 1890
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"Sire," he said, "whilst the Merchant and the First Old Man, who
conducted the hind, went their way, there arrived another Old Man, who
led a black dog, and who forthwith proceeded to relate his history.
'We were, you know,' he remarked, leaning wearily on his staff, 'two
brothers, this dog that you see, and myself. In early life we were not
tied by those bonds of affection that should exist in family circles.
In fact, on one occasion, I had to put my brother in prison. He had
not at that period assumed the four-footed condition in which you now
behold him. He walked about on two legs, like the rest of us, ate and
drank, made love, and made merry. After he had been in prison some
time, successful interposition was made on his behalf by a friend
named Le Sieur O'SHAY. But that (as RUDYARD KIPPLING observes) is
another story.
"'Some time after my brother came to me and proposed to make a long
journey involving close business relations with him. I at first
declined his proposition. "You have been in business some time," I
said to him, "and what have you gained? Who is to assure me that I
shall be more fortunate than you?"
"'In vain he encouraged me to stake my fortune with him, but he
returned so often to the charge that, having through six years
constantly resisted his solicitations, I at last yielded. I realised
all my property, took my brother into partnership, stocked our vessel
exclusively with Home Rule goods, and set out on our voyage.
"'We arrived safely, did a great stroke of business with our wares,
bought those of the country, and set forth on our return voyage. Just
as we were ready to re-embark I met on the seashore a lady, not at
all bad looking, but very meanly dressed. She approached me, kissed
my hand, begged me to take her for my wife, and conduct her to my home
across the sea. This may seem to our friend JACK MORLEY a somewhat
hasty proceeding. JACK is a philosopher, but I am the Second Old Man,
a mere child of nature. I took her into Bond Street, and bought her a
new dress, and, having duly married her, we set sail. Perhaps I should
add that her maiden name was IRELAND.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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