_Opinion No. 1._--Monte Carlo! One of the most disgraceful places in Europe--a blot upon our civilisation. The gambling is productive of the greatest possible misery. It is an institution that should be held up to the execration of mankind. All the riffraff of the globe are attracted to this hideous spot. The place is like an upas-tree, under which everything noble and good languishes and dies! The form of Government is absolutely immoral. It is a scandal that rates, and taxes, and public improvements should be paid for out of the private purse of the Director. He could not afford it had he not made a fortune out of his ill-gotten gains! Anyone who has watched at the tables knows that the chances are absolutely unfair--that the Direction must win. Not that this matters much. It is the general immorality of the place that is so alarming. The place should be closed at once; and persons who have lost anything, say, during the last year, should have their money promptly returned to them. And I say this without any bias, although I _did_ back Red, and Black came up ten times running! P.S.--Just won a trifle. Not so sure that my pessimist view may not be modified. _Opinion No. 2._--Monte Carlo! Without exception, the loveliest spot in Europe. The so-called gambling is the cause of numberless blessings. It is an institution that should be held up to the admiration of mankind. All the aristocracy of the civilised world flock to it to indulge in a recreation to which only the greatly prejudiced can possibly take exception. The Government is benevolent to the last degree. In what other country are rates, taxes, and improvements paid for you? If the Director were not the best of men, how could this be done? The play itself is absolutely fair. And, with a system, and a sufficiency of capital, anyone is able to realise a large fortune in less than no time. Not that this absolute certainty should be taken into consideration. It is the general morality of the place that is so encouraging. The place should never close. And it would be a graceful thing if those who have laid in a store for their old age were to return a trifle, to be expended on some charity. And I say this without any bias, although I have backed Black ten times successfully. P.S.--Just lost all I had. Not so sure that my optimist view is not open to rectification! * * * * * BULL AND BULLION. (_ON GOLD, AFTER GOLDSMITH._) When British Commerce stoops to folly, And finds too late that Bonds betray, What charm can soothe her melancholy, And the big rush for bullion stay? To save herself from shameful ruin (Ask Monsieur LAUR!) her only chance Lies--full revenge for Waterloo!--in Big borrowings from generous France. * * * * * _Mr. Punch Among the Planets_ is the title of _Mr. Punch's_ Christmas Number, _vice_ Almanack superseded. Ask for this, and "see that you get it"!