_Q._ Well then, how are you to make an honest livelihood? _A._ Those who are responsible for my education must answer that question. _Q._ And if they can't? _A._ Then I must accept an alternative, and seek inspiration and precedents from the records of success in another walk of life, beginning with the pages of the _Newgate Calendar!_ * * * * * MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES. PLATFORMULARS. "_The humble individual who now addresses you_;" i.e., "I mustn't exactly assert my superiority in so many words; this is an invitation to you to do it for me." DOUBTFUL RECOMMENDATION. "_Quite a wonderful wine, when you think of the price_;" i.e., Good enough for _you_. "_He is said to have quite the biggest practice about here_;" i.e., You may call him in if you like; _I_ shouldn't. FRIENDLY COMMENTS ON CHARACTER AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS. "_Poor dear Mulligan! he it quite too delightfully good-natured, don't you know_;" i.e., "A great goose who gushes, and fancies it generosity." "_A great authority on Golf_;" "An energetic bore, whose talk is all of 'bunkers' and 'Mr. BALFOUR.'" ELECTIONEERING. "_Have been asked to come forward_;" i.e., "The result of ten years pushing and scheming on my part." _A "local" man_; i.e., Owns a small property in the furthest corner of the county. "_The good old cause_;" i.e., Ourselves. "_Have always felt that the ---- class are the mainstay of the country_;" i.e., "Must conciliate the industrial section of constituency." * * * * * [Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID. _Frivolous Lady_ (_making conversation_). "OH, THE ACADEMY! I NEVER SAW SUCH RUBBISH AS THERE IS THIS YEAR!" (_Suddenly remembers that the Gentleman she is talking to is an R.A._) "HAVE YOU ANYTHING THERE?" _R.A._ "YES; THE FIVE BIG PICTURES YOU SAW IN MY STUDIO, AND SAID YOU COULD LIVE WITH FOR EVER!"] * * * * * EPITHALAMIUM. (_WESTMINSTER ABBEY, JULY 12, 1890._) "Hymen, Io Hymen, Hymen, they do shout." SPENSER, "_Epithalamion_." "Bring home the triumph of our Victory," Sings SPENSER. From wide wanderings you have come Victorious, yet, as all the world may see, Your sweetest, crowning triumph find--at home. Say, would ULYSSES care again to roam Wed with so winning a PENELOPE As STANLEY'S DOROTHY? Loyal like her of Ithaca, and dowered With charms that in the Greek less fully flowered, The charms of talent and of character, Which blend in her Who, won, long waited, and who, waiting, won The virile, valiant son Of our adventurous England. May the bays Blend well with Hymen's roses, and long days Of happiness and honour crown the pair For whom to-day loud plaudits rend the air. "Hymen, Io Hymen, Hymen, they do shout,"-- Health to brave DOROTHY and STANLEY stout! * * * * * REALLY ENTERTAINING.