_Monday_.--The London County Council, School Board, Common Council, Court of Aldermen, and the Royal Academicians after discovering, respectively, some trifling sources of dissatisfaction, wreck their several establishments, and finally march along the Thames Embankment towards Westminster, singing, alternately, the "_Marseillaise_" and "_Ask a Pleece-man._" _Tuesday_.--The House of Commons, after tossing the SPEAKER in his own gown, declare the Constitution extinct, and, abolishing the House of Lords and giving all the Foreign Ambassadors twelve hours notice to quit the country, announce their own dissolution, and immediately commence their Autumn Holiday. _Wednesday_.--Railway Directors, Sweeps, Chairmen of Public Companies, Coal-Heavers, Provincial Mayors, Dentists, Travelling Circus Proprietors, Fish Contractors, Beadles, Cabinet Ministers, Street Scavengers, Dog Fanciers, Archbishops, Gas Fitters, Hereditary Legislators, Prize Fighters, Poor-Law Guardians, Lion Tamers, Green-Grocers, and many other discontented members of the community, having all joined in a universal strike, society, becomes totally disorganised, and the entire country quietly but, effectually collapses, and disappears from the European system. * * * * * SHAKSPEARE ONCE AGAIN, ADAPTED TO THE SITUATION. (SEE _TITUS ANDRONICUS_, ACT II., SC. 1.) _AARON (THE AGITATOR) LOQUITUR_.-- For shame, be friends, and join for that you jar: 'Tis Union and Strikes, my lads, must do That you affect; and so must you resolve That what you cannot severally achieve, United you may manage as you will. A speedier course than lingering languishment Must we pursue, and I have found the path. My lads, a biggish business is in hand; Together let brave British Bobbies troop: The City streets are numerous and wealthy, And many unfrequented nooks there be, Fitted by kind for violence and theft; But take you thence, and many a watchful ruffian Will soon strike home, by force and not by words: This way, or not at all, stand you in hope. Come, come, our comrades, with more sluggish wit, To vigilance and duty consecrate, Will we acquaint with all that we intend, And we will so commit them to our cause That they cannot stand off or "square" themselves; But to your wishes' height you'll all advance. The City's courts have houses of ill-fame, Town's palaces are full of wanton wealth, The slums are ruthless, ravenous ripe for crime. _Then speak, and strike, brave boys, and take your turn_! * * * * * [Illustration: INFELICITOUS QUOTATIONS. _Fair Authoress_. "SO SORRY TO BE SO LATE. I'M AFRAID I'M _LAST_!" _Genial Host_. "'_LAST_--BUT NOT _LEAST_!'"] * * * * * SONG SENTIMENTIANA. (_A DELIGHTFUL "ALL-THE-YEAR-SOUND" RESORT FOR THE FASHIONABLE COMPOSER._) EXAMPLE V.--OF THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWERS OF LOVE, UNDER CONDITION OF PROXIMITY.