_Prefatory Note._--It is a common mistake to suppose that the present generation frowns upon the literary achievements of the descriptive reporter who chronicles the great deeds of athletes, oarsmen, pugilists, and sportsmen generally. On the contrary, if we may pretend to judge from a wide and long-continued study, we should say that the _vates sacer_ of the present day, though he may not rival his predecessors in refinement and classical allusion, is by no means inferior to them in wealth of language and picturesque irrelevancy. Sporting reporting, in fact, was never more of a fine art, and on the whole has rarely been better paid, than it is at the present day. In the hope that many a young journalist may be helped in his struggle for fame and fortune, _Mr. Punch_ proposes to publish a short manual of sporting reports, with examples and short notes, that may explain the _technique_ of the business to the aspirant. [Illustration] RULES. 1. Always remember that you are a sporting reporter, and be as sportive as you can. The dig-in-the-ribs and chuck-her-under-the-chin style is always effective. 2. Speak of everybody by his Christian name or his nick-name. 3. If you think a man ought to have a nickname, invent one for him. 4. Employ stock quotations wherever they are least required, and give a music-hall flavour to every report. 5. If possible, misquote. 6. Avoid all simple language. 7. Patronise all titled sportsmen, and pat wealthy bookmakers on the back. 8. Never miss an opportunity of showing that you are on familiar terms with the sun, moon, rain, wind, and weather in general. Do this, as a rule, by means of classical tags vulgarised down to the level of a costermonger's cart. 9. Spin out your sentences. 10. Mix up your metaphors, moods, tenses, singulars, plurals, and the sense generally. 11. Refer often to "the good old days" you don't remember, and bewail the decadence of sport of all kinds. 12. Occasionally be haughty and contemptuous, and make a parade of rugged and incorruptible honesty. In short, be as vain and offensive as you can. 13. Set yourself up as an infallible judge of every branch of sport and athletics. _First Example_.--Event to be reported: An American pugilist arrives at Euston, and is received by his English friends and sympathisers. O'FLAHERTY IN ENGLAND. ARRIVAL OF THE CHAMPION. HIS RECEPTION. WHAT HE THINKS OF ENGLAND.