PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 99. November 22, 1890. [Illustration: DOUBLING THE PART. _Mr. S.B. B-ncr-ft, having retired from the Stage, thinks of taking to the Booth._ "'WHEN THE CUE COMES, CALL ME.' AW!--VERY LIKE HIM--VERY!" [One day last week Mr. S.B. BANCROFT wrote to the _Daily Telegraph_, saying, that so struck was he by "General" BOOTH's scheme for relieving everybody generally--of course "generally"--that he wished at once to relieve himself of £1000, if he could only find out ninety-and-nine other sheep in the wilderness of London to follow his example, and consent to be shorn of a similar amount. Send your cheque to 85, Fleet Street, and we'll undertake to use it for the benefit of most deserving objects.]] * * * * * A GOOD-NATURED TEMPEST. It was stated in the _Echo_ that, during the late storm, a brig "brought into Dover harbour two men, with their ribs and arms broken by a squall off Beachy Head. The deck-house and steering-gear were carried away, and the men taken to Dover Hospital." Who shall say, after this, that storms do not temper severity with kindness? This particular one, it is true, broke some ribs and arms, and carried away portions of a brig, but, in the very act of doing this, it took the sufferers, and laid them, apparently, on the steps of Dover Hospital. If we must have storms, may they all imitate this motherly example. * * * * * "WHAT A WONDERFUL BO-OY!"--In the _Head-Master's Guide_ for November, in the list of applicants for Masterships, appears a gentleman who offers to teach Mathematics, Euclid, Arithmetic, Algebra, Natural Science, History, Geography, Book-keeping, French Grammar, Freehand, and Perspective Drawing, the Piano, the Organ, and the Harmonium, and Singing, for the modest salary of £20 a-year without a residence! But it is only just to add; that this person seems to be of marvellous origin, for although he admits extreme youth (he says he is _only three years of age!_) he boasts ten years of experience! _O si sic omnes_! So wise, so young, so cheap! * * * * * If spectacular effects are worth remembering, then Sheriff DRURIOLANUS ought to be a member of the Spectacle-makers' Company. * * * * * ALICE IN BLUNDERLAND. (_ON THE NINTH OF NOVEMBER._) ["Our difficulties are such as these--that America has instituted a vast system of prohibitive tariffs, mainly, I believe, because ... American pigs do not receive proper treatment at the hands of Europe.... If we have any difficulty with our good neighbours in France, it is because of that unintelligent animal the lobster; and if we have any difficulty with our good neighbours in America, it is because of that not very much nobler animal, the seal."--_Lord Salisbury at the Mansion House_.] The Real Turtle sang this, very slowly, and sadly:--