_Tommy Atkins_ (_endeavours to execute the order, but he finds something "stuck," and his rifle refuses to go off._) Dang it! What's the matter with the beastly thing! It's that there bolt that's caught agin' (_thumps it furiously in his excitement and makes matters worse._) Dang the blooming thing; I can't make it go. (_Vainly endeavours to recall some directions, committed in calmer moments, to memory._) Drop the bolt? No! that ain't it. Loose this 'ere pin (_tugs frantically at a portion of the mechanism._) 'Ang me if I can make it go! (_Removes a pin which suddenly releases the magazine_), well, I've done it now and no mistake. Might as well send one to fight with a broomstick. (_A shell explodes just behind him._) Well, _I am in a 'ole_ and no mistake. [_Battle proceeds with results as Act-drop falls._ * * * * * OLD FRENCH SAW RE-SET.--FROM _THE STANDARD_, NOVEMBER 14:-- "The duel between M. DÉROULÈDE and M. LAGUERRE occurred yesterday morning in the neighbourhood of Charleroi, in Belgium. Four shots were exchanged without any result. On returning to Charleroi the combatants and their seconds were arrested." "_C'est Laguerre, mais ce n'est pas magnifique._" * * * * * NOTICE--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 99., Nov. 22, 1890, by Various