[_Water eventually got in roads several hundred yards from burning building._ _Non-Com. Officer_ (_directing two soldiers, who have gallantly rescued a couple of children that have been burning and suffocating under roof_). Yes, take 'em off to the hospital! Poor little creatures--not much hope for _them_, I'm afraid! (_To Colonel._) A bad business, Sir! _Colonel_. Would have been worse if the men hadn't behaved so well, and turned themselves into amateur firemen. No thanks to the War Office that there aren't twenty-two deaths, instead of two. Why, only six months ago, I warned 'em that the place was "unfit for human habitation," and a regular death-trap in case of fire, with only one narrow wooden staircase to the whole block. I wrote that, "if a fire occurred at night, there must be many deaths." Yet nothing has been done. _Non-Com. Officer_. Shocking! There's a talk that the place had been condemned by the War Office. _Colonel_. Condemned, but not pulled down! I wonder who'll be condemned at the Inquest. Shouldn't be surprised if it were the War-Office Authorities themselves! [_And so they have been--and quite right too_. * * * * * [Illustration: GENERAL PUNCH'S IMPROVED MAGAZINE RIFLE. 1. A Hatchet (_to pull out and fix inside_); 2. A Spear (_ditto_); 3,4,5. Compartments with handles, to be used as Portmanteau; 6. Shirt Collars and Evening Tie; 7. A Pipe; 8. Tobacco; 9. Cigarette Case; 10. Sandwich Case, Potted Meats, Biscuits, &c.; 11. A Self Air-Loading Bullet Mechanism; 12. Gladstone Bag; 13. Portable Bath and Hammock; 14. Cooking Stove; 15. Cooking Utensils; 16. A Telescope; 17. A Walking Stick; 18. An Umbrella; 19. A Billiard Cue; 20. A Scent Bottle.] * * * * * [Illustration: THE PARLIAMENTARY MEET IN A NOVEMBER FOG.] * * * * * [Illustration: THE COUNTRY HOUSE. (_WHAT OUR ARCHITECT HAS TO PUT UP WITH._) _Fair Client_. "I WANT IT TO BE NICE AND BARONIAL, QUEEN ANNE AND ELIZABETHAN, AND ALL THAT; KIND OF QUAINT AND NUREMBERGY, YOU KNOW--REGULAR OLD ENGLISH, WITH FRENCH WINDOWS OPENING TO THE LAWN, AND VENETIAN BLINDS, AND SORT OF SWISS BALCONIES, AND A LOGGIA. BUT I'M SURE _YOU_ KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"] * * * * * THE MODERN HERO; _OR, HOW TO DISCOURAGE CRIME._