I've told you all about BALFOUR, And his black Irish scandals; (With side-lights upon days of yore, My bachelor life, and candles.) I've touched on Disestablishment (I trust you'll not say _thinly_), On Eight Hours Bills a speech I've spent, And scarified M'KINLEY. And now, to wind up, I'll explain My favourite views on Fashion: _Big Collars will come back again!!!_ 'Twill raise the Tories' passion. But, with these Collars, this Umbrella, I'd face them, though thrice stronger! Friends--trust once more your Grand Old Fella, And--wait a _leetle_ longer! * * * * * A BOOTHIFUL IDEA! Just finished my article on "Antediluvian Archæology in its relation to Genesis and the Iliad," and now all that remains to do is to carry the rest of my books down to the new library, make catalogue, consider subjects for five more speeches, write thirty-six letters and postcards, and polish off the ten last clauses of the Home-Rule Bill. This idleness is oppressive. Not used to it. What shall I do? Piles of correspondence by morning post! What _can_ this be about? Ah! I remember now! _Nineteenth Century_ just out, of course. Glad I thought of starting "Society of Universal Beneficence." Will keep me going after excitement of Midlothian. Wonder how many people will "bind themselves to give away a fixed proportion of their income,"--also what the proportion will be, if they do. Don't know if I _should_ have thought of it, if it hadn't been for General BOOTH's book. Remarkable person, the General. Perhaps he'd order his Army to vote solid for Home Rule, if I offered him a place in my next Cabinet? Must sound him on the subject. Salvationists quite a power now. Can't cut Field-Marshal VON BOOTH _up_ in a Magazine, so must cut him _out_ instead! Ha! Letter from LABOUCHERE, of all people. H--m! Says he's "glad to see I've started Universal Beneficence Society. Thought of doing so himself once." Congratulates me on turning my attention to "Social Reform." Says he thinks it's an "Ecclesent idea,"--he must mean "Excellent," surely! "Inquirer"--(post-mark, Hatfield. Curious circumstance, rather)--writes to ask for details of the Society. "Prefers at present to remain anonymous," but an answer sent to "S., Hatfield House," will always find him! Meanwhile, encloses postal order for one pound ten shillings a "fixed proportion of his income," as he sees that I've "offered to make myself the careful recipient of any assents," by which he supposes that I mean cash. A little embarrassing!