"Rather large size, Sir," he remarks. Says it as if I must have water on the brain at the very least. "Middle Temple, I suppose?"--he queries. Why? Somehow it would _sound_ more flattering if he had supposed Inner Temple, instead of Middle. Wonder if I shall ever be described as an "Outer barrister, of the Inner Temple, with Middling abilities." Is there a special cut of face belonging to the Inner Temple, another for the Middle (there _is_ a "middle cut" in salmon, why not in the law?) and a third for Lincoln's Inn? Find, while I am meditating these problems, that I have been "suited" with a gown, also with a stock of ridiculous little linen flaps, which are called "bands." Think about "forbidding the bands," but don't know how to. * * * * * NOTE FOR THE NEW UNIONISM. "Union is Strength." Let lovers of communion Remember Strength (of language) is _not_ Union! * * * * * NEW DEFINITION OF A "FEATHER-BED FIGHTER."--A Boxer with gloves over four ounces in weight. And anything over that, we suppose, must be considered a "feather-weight." This gives a new significance to the saying, "You might have knocked me down with a feather." * * * * * [Illustration: OUR M.P. MAKES A LITTLE TOUR IN IRELAND.] * * * * * [Illustration: MR. TYMS HIRED A MOUNT WITH THE STAGHOUNDS, BUT QUICKLY CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT WAS A BRUTAL SHAME TO CHASE THE POOR DEER UP AND DOWN THOSE HORRIBLE BANKS.] * * * * * A TALE OF THE TELEPHONE. (_A STORY OF WHAT MAY HAPPEN SOME DAY IN GEORGE STREET, HANOVER SQUARE._) There were a few minutes unoccupied before the time appointed for the ceremony, and so the Pew-opener thought he could not do better than point out the many excellences of the church to the Bridegroom. "You see, Sir," he said, "our pulpit is occupied by the best possible talent. The Vicar takes the greatest interest in securing every rising preacher, and thus, Sunday after Sunday, we have the most startling orations." The Bridegroom (slightly bored) said that if he had happened to live in the neighbourhood, he should certainly have taken sittings. "But living in the neighbourhood is not necessary, Sir," persisted the Pew-opener. "Let into the sounding-board is a telephone, and so our Vicar can supply the sermons preached here, hot and hot, to residents in the London Postal District. Considering the quality of the discourses, he charges a very low rate. The system has been largely adopted. As a matter of fact the whole service, and not only the pulpit, has been laid on to the principal Hotels and Clubs."