"Let the road be raised, &c.... Only one house in Piccadilly at present standing would suffer.... And I think the Badminton Club." _Vile Letter to Times, Oct_. 11. SUDDEN APPEARANCE OF THE PICCADILLY GOAT TO ELDERLY GENTLEMAN, WHO IS QUIETLY DRESSING IN HIS ROOM ON SECOND FLOOR. A CLUB ALMOST ENTIRELY DISAPPEARS. MEMBERS MAKE THE BEST OF THE SITUATION.] * * * * * L'ART DE CAUSER. (_WITH EFFECTS UP TO DATE._) [English ladies, conscious of conversational defects, and desirous of shining in Society, may be expected to imitate their American Cousins, who, according to _The Daily News_, employ a lady crammer who has made a study of the subject she teaches. Before a dinner or luncheon party, the crammer spends an hour or two with the pupil, and coaches her up in general conversation.] It really took us by surprise, We thought her but a mere beginner, And widely opened were our eyes To hear her brilliant talk at dinner. She always knew just what to say, And said it well, nor for a minute Was ever at a loss,--I may As well confess--we men weren't in it! The talk was of Roumania's Queen, And was she equal, say, to DANTE?-- The way that race was won by _Sheen_, And not the horse called _Alicánte_-- Of how some charities were frauds, How some again were quite deserving-- The beauties of the Norfolk broads-- The latest hit of Mr. IRVING-- Does sap go up or down the stem?-- The Boom of Mr. RUDYARD KIPLING-- The speeches of the G.O.M.-- The strength of Mr. MORLEY's "stripling" _Was_ JONAH swallowed by the whale?-- The price of jute--we wondered all if They'd have the heart to send to gaol Those heroes, SLAVIN and McAULIFFE. "Oh, maiden fair," I said at last, "To hear you talk is most delightful; But yet the time, it's clear, you've passed In reading must be something frightful. Come--do you trouble thus your head Because you want to go to College By getting out of Mr. STEAD £300 for General Knowledge?" "Kind Sir," she promptly then replied, "Your guess, I quite admit, was clever, And, if I now in you confide, You'll keep it dark, I'm sure, for ever. Yet do not get, I pray, enraged, For how I got my information Was simply this--_I have engaged_ _A Coach in General Conversation_," * * * * * SERVED À LA RUSSE. MY DEAR MR. PUNCH,