The German EMPEROR was equally impressed. His Majesty smiled, and, turning to General CAPRIVI, told him to consider himself henceforth under my orders for everything that concerned the peace of the world. I could see that CAPRIVI did not relish this, but I soon made him know his place, and when I threatened to send for Prince BISMARCK--who, by the way, has granted me the unique honour of an interview--he became quite calm and reasonable. On my way home, I called in on Prince FERDINAND of Bulgaria, _who offered me his Crown_, telling me at the same time that he intended to take a course of German Baths. He said I should find STAMBOULOFF a very pleasant fellow; "but," he added, "you've got to know him first." I, of course, refused His Highness's offer, and accepted instead the Cross for Valour on the Field of Battle. I then hurried off to Servia. King MILAN informed me that, if I wished to take a Queen back with me to England, he would dispose of one very cheaply. Having advised the Regents as to the best method of governing the country, I departed for Roumania. The Queen of ROUMANIA welcomed me as a literary man. She writes all the Roumanian sporting prophecies in verse. The King invested me at once with the _Stonibroku_ Order in brilliants, with the _Iohu_ Clasp for special promise shown in connection with turf literature. I may assure you in confidence that there will be no war for the next week or two. This result is entirely due to me. Do you want to hear about the St. Leger? I need only say that my own _Surefoot_ has brought me _Alloway Heaume_. Whilst in Russia I heard about plenty of _Serfs_, but they were not saints. Anybody who proposes to wear a _Blue-green_ waistcoat on the _Queen's Birthday_ ought to eat _Sainfoin_ for the rest of his life, and be taken _Right Away_. Finally, if _The Field_ is to _Memoir_ as a window-sash is to a Duchess's flounces, what chance has a crack-brained Bedlamite of munching potatoes in St. James's Palace? Answers must he posted not later than Monday. All prizes genuine. No blanks. Yours as always, GENERAL POPOFF. * * * * * FROM THE FRENCH--AND THE ENGLISH. [Illustration: Ra-ta-Plan, Ra-ta-Plan-quette!]