* * * * * ROBERT'S STORY ABOUT CHINA. [Illustration] The fact is, Sir, that I had got quite tired of hearing Gents all a grumbling at allers having the same kind of wittels at their Citty Bankwets: so I thort as I woud jest take a run hover here, jest to see what they had to hoffer by way of change; and so here I am, on my voyage of dishcovery. I passes over that woyage, and my many blunders in trying to make myself hunderstood by the hignerent natives, and at once goes in to describe what was of coarse most hintresting to me, namely, the dinners. I dined wun day at the Shing-Cully Otel, which is a fust-class consern. I was told as all the Swells dined at the top of the house; so hup stairs I went, and sat myself down at a large tabel, with about 30 Chineese Gents, all drest in their riduklus kostoom of Jackets and pettycotes. They all stared at me as if I was sumthink werry strange, tho' drest in my ushal full hevening dress, with white choker. We only had 1 Maynoo for all of us, and had to chuse our Dishes, so I chose Birds'-nest Soup, Sharks' fins, as they hadn't got no Turbot, lots of frute, and Roast Puppy! We began with frute; but, before we ate any, we all took wine with one another! The Birds'-nest Soup must have been werry carefooly strained, for there wasn't not no twigs nor bits of straw, het setterer, in it. The Sharks' fins wasn't at all bad, but, as we wasn't allowd no knives or forks, but only 2 chop-sticks, as they calls 'em, I had sum difficulty in heating it. They then brort me some stewed sumthink, which was that oily that I didn't heat much of it. I ardly xpecs to be bleeved when I says that we had no tabel-cloth or tabel-napkins, but we each had a peace of common brown paper at the side of our plates, with which we all wiped our messy chop-sticks, and our oily mouths. The dux was werry good, so I had about harf a one. The Puppy Dog looked much like a Sucking Pig, but even the strong hunion sauce didn't hide the parfume enuff for me to be able to taste it. The wine wasn't anythink werry grand, but, what it wanted in flavior, it made up in strength, and many a eye began for to twinkle afore the dinner was over; and, judging from what I saw then, and at other times, I should think about the most commical hobjeck on earth is a drunken Chinyman. I was arterwards told that the propper place to get dogs and cats for dinner was in Jack-Poo-Kow. The idear of calling such horrid filth Kow, made me suspishus, so I found the place out, and, who should I see oppersite the winder where the dead dogs and cats is hung up to dry, but your own dog TOBY! a barking at 'em with such hindignashun that I werrily bleeves that one word of incurragement from me wood have made him rush into the _restaurant_, and ewen praps attack the Hed Waiter! However, I perswaded him to leave the horrid place, and go home with me; but, on our way, we came to another of them, where a black cat was hanging up, when in TOBY