Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 01, April 2, 1870Various
General
Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 01, April 2, 1870
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
You bloated stockmonger there, with your hands in your pockets and your
eye on the mean chance, what care you how much capital is represented by
certificates issued? "That's played out," you say? You know it is, you
slimy salamander, and so does PUNCHINELLO. You know that by the use of
convertible bonds capital can be increased or diminished _ad infinitum_.
Loan your millions to Erie, to save it from destruction or the Sheriff,
(synonymous terms,) and you will derive sweet consolation from the
consciousness of your power to add or diminish at will.
Look at the "Great Waterer." When he chose to "snake away" Erie from its
friends, and make it tributary to New-York Central, the printing-press
was at work--a fact which he did not discover until he had paid out ten
millions. Then the foreigners purchased ream after ream of certificates
to control Erie, and to-day their stock is declared not worth a row of
pins, owing to the piles of money swallowed by the afflictive suits on
the stamped certificates.
Observe SNIGGER and SNAGGER, too; mark the goings and comings of these
partners in business and iniquity. How regularly they have kept swearing
that their business never paid, and yet their dividends always increased
when they wished to distribute their stock.
And here is one who--more audacious, far, than King CANUTE of old--would
control even the ocean. This man starts a Pacific Mail with a capital of
ten millions, increases the amount to twenty millions, and swears it is
worth thirty. Then he "puts his foot in it" and shows the knave in his
deal, (dealings--jocular,) by selling the stock at thirty-five.
This from PUNCHINELLO, as he looks over The Street--and through it--from
his lofty pinnacle. Don't strain your precious eyes and necks in
fruitless endeavors to discover him there, since he can make himself
invisible at will. But listen, ye men of The Street, with all your ears,
(Erie,) and you will hear a solemn chant like unto that of the _muezzin_
from the minaret. 'Tis the voice of PUNCHINELLO wafting sonorously from
his tower the instructive moral--
"Whoe'er sells stocks as isn't his'n,
Must pay up or go to pris'n."
* * * * *
A New Conglomerate Pavement.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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