Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 02, April 9, 1870Various
General
Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 02, April 9, 1870
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
Under General PLEASANTON."
Oh! the vile ingratitude;
Of Statesmen in this latitude;
Worse than DELANO'S attitude.
Say, what is your longitude,
East or West from Washington?
* * * * *
"Fox"-y.
FECHTER'S wig in HAMLET.
* * * * *
"Echoes of the Clubs."
SOUND of the policemen's _batons_ on the sidewalk.
* * * * *
Over and Under.
INDIANA is said to be "going over" her divorce laws. She has certainly gone
long enough under them.
* * * * *
Our Bullet-in.
THE government has so many bad guns on hand that it deserves to be called,
"A snapper-up of unconsidered Rifles."
* * * * *
Every Little Helps.
THE British newspapers say that ARTHUR HELPS writes the PRINCE OF WALES'S
speeches. Now, if ARTHUR HELPS the Prince, who helps ARTHUR?
CONDENSED CONGRESS.
SENATE.
By particular request, the Georgia bill came up. So did Senator SCHURZ. He
approved of almost all propositions which tended to complicate questions,
because the more complication the more offices, the more offices the more
patronage, and the more patronage the more fees. He knew that it was an
alluring precedent which was offered them in the action of the legislature
of Georgia, retaining itself for double the term it was elected to serve.
But it was the duty of Congress to resist temptation. He used the word duty
advisedly. Gentlemen might sneer; but he could tell them that the public
would not stand the infliction of such a Senate as that which he saw before
him for a day longer than it was obliged to by law. By disregarding law, he
wished to know whether the laws would not be greater than the profits. He
admitted that this was a pun; but appealed to PUNCHINELLO upon the point of
the propriety of puns. Reform, he would say, was a "plant" of slow growth.
He had sown it; and his colleague, Mr. -----, had watered it; but it did
not seem to thrive in Missouri.
Mr. DRAKE, who has been studying elocution under a graduate of the Old
Bowery, and has acquired a most tragic croak, which, with a little rouge
and burnt cork, and haggard hair, gives him a truly awful aspect, remarked
that the soil of the South was clotted with blood by fiends in human shape,
(sensation in the diplomatic gallery.) The metaphor might be meaningless;
but it struck him it was strong. These fiends were doubly protected by
midnight and the mask. In his own State the Ku-Klux ranged together with
the fierce whang-doodle. His own life had been threatened. (Faint
applause.) He had received an express package marked in large letters,
"D.H." The President of the United States, an expert in express packages,
had told him this meant "Dead Head." Was this right? Hah! Bellud!! Gore was
henceforth his little game. He would die in his seat. (Great cheering,
which rendered the remainder of the senator's remarks inaudible.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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