Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870Various
General
Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
Mr. BROOKS called the hooks and ayes on the corsets. Mr. SCHENCK opposed
the call. He had found a simple tape much preferable. He wished a
coffer-dam might be put upon the roaring BROOKS.
Somebody at this point brought up a contested election case; but Mr.
LOGAN objected to its being considered. What, he asked, was the use of
wasting time? There was money in the tariff. There was no money at all
in voting a Democrat out, and a Republican in. They could do that any
day in five minutes. His friend Mr. BUTLER had recently remarked, one
Democrat more or less made no difference. But Mr. BUTLER forgot that the
larger the majority, the larger the divisor for spoils, and therefore
the smaller the quotient and the "dividend." He did not know much about
arithmetic. He had never been at West Point; but he believed that a
million dollars, for instance, would go further and fare worse among two
hundred men than among three. If the House were not careful, there would
be a glut of Republicans in it, and the shares would be pitifully
meagre. As for him, he had a great mind, (derisive cheers)--he repeated,
that he had a great mind to vote for a Democrat next time.
In spite of Mr. LOGAN'S warning, the House voted in a couple or so of
Republicans, and then resumed the duty on wool.
Mr. Cox thought this wool had been pulled over the eyes of the house
often enough. It reminded him of an expedition, of which Mr. LOGAN had
never heard, in search of a "Golden Fleece."
Mr. JENCKES, and Mr. SCHENCK, and Mr. KELLEY called him to order in
behalf of their constituents, who were in the wool business, and said
that "wool" in one form or another had always been the staple of their
political career.
Mr. BUTLER said he had a little game worth two of that. He wanted to buy
San Domingo. In this there were plenty of commissions, and hundreds of
thousands of colored votes.
* * * * *
FIFTEENTH AMENDMENT.
ALDERMANIC RECEPTION UP-TOWN.
CAESAR, walk in! Ah POMPEY! how d'e do?
This way, CLEM! Gentlemen, please walk right through!
GEORGE, how's your mother? Fine day, PETE--fine day!
Well, how are things down there at Oyster Bay?
Ah AUNTIE! how's your rheumatiz, this spring?
Well, Mr. JOHNSON, did you try that sling?
Why, this is Uncle STEVE! How-do-you-do.
Uncle? Sit down. What can I do for you?
Well, Mr. PRINCE! You must be busy, now.
Whitewashing is the best thing done, I vow!
Why, hel-lo! REGIS! From the Cape so soon?
When do you open, this year--first of June?
Come, gentlemen--some wine? Now, don't refuse!
What! temperate? teetotal? Well, that's news!
And good news, too! Well, coffee, then. You see,
My friends, the _sentiment's_ the thing with me.
The real Mocha, AUNTIE! Simon pure!
Raised by free Arabs. For I can't endure
A single thing that's flavored with a Wrong!
Yes, AUNTIE, you are right, I've "come out strong!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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