Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 14, July 2, 1870Various
General
Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 14, July 2, 1870
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
You ought also to have a definite purpose in view. At present you have
no Mission. The earnest men and women who look to you for aid and
counsel, find nothing in your paper bearing upon the great questions of
the day. You should make your paper the organ of some influential party.
There are the friends of Pig Iron, for example. Devote the greater part
of your space to the advocacy of their lofty cause, and there is not an
iron manufacturer in the United States who would not borrow PUNCHINELLO
from some one of his acquaintance, and read everything in it relating to
the contest now going on between the fearless champions of freedom, and
American pig iron, against the bloated upholders of British interests.
As it is, you appear to advocate no single practical measure which
concerns the welfare of this country and the perpetuity of our glorious
Union. PUNCHINELLO is the favorite paper of careless young men, depraved
middle-aged men, who care nothing for Progress and Humanity, and young
girls who prefer dress and admiration to addressing their Earnest
sisters from the platform of Reform meetings. The Rev. Mr. DODGE tells
me that all the young people of his congregation read it, and he fears
that they prefer it to his sermons. A paper read by this class of
readers must be radically wrong. You must change its character at once.
One thing more. You must cease to publish pictures of the character of
those which now appear in your paper. In their place you might
substitute drawings of practical value, such as the _Scientific Yankee_
publishes. If you do this, in addition to making the other changes which
I have suggested, you will find that PUNCHINELLO will make a very
different impression from that which I fear it has already made. In that
case I will become a subscriber, and will send you a few sound, earnest
articles of my own. I am, Yours, in behalf of Progress,
AN EARNEST MAN.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "WHAT I KNOW ABOUT FARMING."
_Fast Bear (to Officer from Fort.)_ "YOU TELL ME PLANT CORN IN THE
SPRING, THEN GO 'WAY HUNT AND COME BACK GATHER CORN IN THE FALL. UGH!--I
PLANT CORN, AND WHEN I COME GATHER IT YOU SHOOT BULLET IN MY SIDE!"
(_Fact, related by one of the Brule Sioux Chiefs at Washington._)]
* * * * *
[Illustration: FRUITLESS PERSEVERANCE.
_Earnest Suitor, who has just received a final and flat refusal._ "WOULD
A TOWER IN YURRUP MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE?"
_Julia._ "IT'S USELESS. I DON'T LIKE YOU, AND I WON'T MARRY YOU."]
* * * * *
THAT INDIAN TALK.
How, how, Great Father, how.
Me Spotted Tail; me Rattling Cow;
Me Red Cloud; whiskey time now?
How, Great Father? How? How?
Me Ogallala; me Brule Sioux.
How, Great Father, how do?
Bed children come long way, ugh!
Big Whiskey love. Great Father too?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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