Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 14, July 2, 1870Various
General
Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 14, July 2, 1870
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
Mr. CHANDLER said he would be Frank. He always had been Frank. It was
his Franking Privilege. He was in favor of declaring a war with every
nation which would not allow matter franked by Senators of this glorious
Republic to pass their post-offices. He had sent copies of all his
speeches to the effete and loathsome monarchs of Europe, with his frank
neatly lithographed in one corner. But he had since heard that the
minions of tyranny in foreign post-offices had stopped those documents,
upon the paltry pretence that the postage was not paid. Thus he had been
prevented from freezing the monarchical marrow and curdling the royal
blood, since nobody could be expected to derive instruction or
admonition from a speech which was used to feed the fire, or stuff the
window, of one of his petty tools. He called upon the Senate to do him
justice.
Mr. CARPENTER observed that justice would never be done to Mr. CHANDLER
until the occurrence of a public execution. But still he considered that
the franking privilege ought to be retained. The party that he belonged
to was the party of intelligence. Strange as this might seem, it was
true, and it was also true that, in spite of their intelligence, they
would read his speeches. Let the Senate have pity upon these misguided,
but not wilfully wicked men.
HOUSE.
Mr. BANKS said he would offer a few observations upon Cuba.
The Speaker (who is coming out very strong as a comic presiding
officer,) said he would rather see BANKS square a circle than a Cuba
root. (He meant a cigar.) This sally was greeted with sickly smiles by
the members who wanted the floor.
Mr. BANKS went on to say that our course towards Cuba was not what was
due to her.
The Speaker begged to correct Mr. BANKS. His nautical friends assured
him that our course towards Cuba was due South to her.
Mr. BUTLER. This is bosh. Let us annex San Domingo. Nobody does anything
for another country without bonds--BANKS had Cuban bonds--he had the
bonds of San Domingo. Annex San Domingo, or else give him San Domingo.
The Comic Speaker said BUTLER ought to be put under bonds to keep the
peace. But perhaps it was superfluous, inasmuch as he always kept a
large piece anyhow.
The House, at this, put crape on its left arm and adjourned.
* * * * *
COMIC ZOOLOGY.
GENUS, FALCO. SPECIES, BIRDOFREEDOM.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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