Whereas: Woman has a spear, it hain't to cook vittles--darn stockin's--tend baby and try to make her husbin happy. Whereas: Man is a brute--woman an angle. Man can vote--woman can't. Resolved: That as long as man won't give us the ballit, that after Jan., 1871, every mail brat that comes squawkin' into the world, be smothered the minnit he is borned. Resolved: That when the mail rase is extinguished, the superior critter, woman, take peaceable possession of the ballit box. These resolutions was vociferously cheered, Mrs. GREEN becomin' so exsited that she whacked me over the head with her parasol in a most ongentlemanly manner. (N.B.--I would heer state that I'me a Resistanter agin femail suffrage. Give woman the 16th Commendment and we can cry "peece" ontil our wind-pipes are collored, but not a darned bit of peece will we git, except occashunly a peece is nockt off of our snoot, for refusin' to get up early Monday mornin's to do the washin'.) At the above juncture of the proceedin's, the Cardiff Jiant, who is spendin' the summer at this selebrated waterin' place, entered the room. The old feller had heard of this grate Fossil Convenshun. As the distinguished fraud entered the room, cheers filled the air. Members in exstasy jumped up onto the benches--stood on their heads--threw their false teeth all about the floor, and acted like a lot of Rocky Mountain injuns, chock full of New England rum. Silents was restored by tossin' a live man to the exsited Amazons, whom they tore to peeces, partly satisfyin' their cravin' appetites. Old GIPSUM then _oratoricised_ as viz.: "Feller Fossils: This is indeed the most momentous event I've attended since I left Onondagar. "When COTTON MATHER came over in the Grate Eastern, he sent out a dove to see if the Pilgrims, would allow her to pick any flowers off of Plymouth Rock. "What was the result of that experiment? "Why, the dove coulden't find any rest for the soul of her shoo; for Plymouth Rocks were thicker than Cardiff Jiants. That base man, BARNUM, had taken plaster casts of the old rock, and there wasen't a town along the coast, but what had its 'original Plymouth Rock.' "The dove, not bein' a good judge of genuine stuns, made her "Shoo fly" back to the old ark, and told her tail. Therefore, I ask as a personal favor, seein' that BARNUM sarved me same's he did old Plymouth Rock, that when this august assemblage of Fossilized human bein's comes down onto the mail portion of the U. States, old P.T. be turned over to us. I'le make him think he's got straddle his wooly hoss, and an army of mermades was after him with red hot pitchforks. "Grant me this favor, and when the fite of the Amazons begins, you can count on me to hold your bonnets." Amid tremenjus applaus old Fort Dodger squatted.