Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870Various
General
Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
Well, SLUKER had a pretty warm time of it in the Choir, and enjoyed
himself very much, until they got a new Organist who pitched every thing
in 'high C,' which was this young man's strong lead.
As the Choir always sang in G, of coarse, there was a row the first
Sunday, and it was generally understood that SLUKER was going to fix
MIDDLERIB that night.
When the evening service commenced, and the Choir was about to begin,
the congregation were startled by an ominous click in the gallery, and
looking up, they beheld SLUKER covering the Organist's second shirt-stud
with his revolver.
"Give us G, Mr. MIDDLERIB, if you please!" he said blandly.
But the pirate on the high C's refused to Gee, and Whoa was the natural
result.
The confusion that followed was terrible: SLUKER fired at everybody.
MIDDLERIB hit him with the music stool. The soprano was thrown over the
railing, and somebody turned off the gas.
In the ensuing darkness every one skirmished for themselves. SLUKER took
off his boots and hunted for MIDDLERIB in his stocking feet.
Suddenly he heard a single note on the 'high C.' He groped his way to
the keyboard, but there was no one there.
The solution rushed upon him,--MIDDLERIB must be _in_ the organ.
He crept round to the handle and bore his weight on it.
It was too true; the unhappy wretch had cut a hole in the bellows and
crawled in. But for his ruling passion he would have escaped.
There were a few muffled groans as the handle slowly descended upon the
doomed man, and as the breath rushed out of his body into his favorite
pipe, the wild 'high C of agony that ran through the sacred edifice
told them that all was over.
Let us draw a vail over the horrid picture."
* * *
I was very much interested in this story, very much indeed, and so I
jostled the long-haired man--who was about falling asleep--and asked him
if anything was done to this wicked SLUKER.
He looked at me reproachfully. "What's the matter with you, my friend?"
he said, in the same melancholy voice. "Don't you know who I am? I write
for the _Ledger_, and whenever 'I draw a vail, etc.,' that ends it, that
does!"
As we stepped from the steamer to the landing, I observed a youth of
about six summers dressed in the most elaborately agonizing manner. He
had two Schutzenfest targets in his cuffs; in one hand he held an
enormous cane, in the other a cigar, and through an eyeglass he gazed at
the ankles on the gang-plank with an air of patient weariness with this
slow old world that was very touching.
"Where," I exclaimed as I surveyed this show-card of a fast generation,
"O! where have our _children_ vanished? Take from childhood the
sparkling water of its purity--the sugar of its innocent affections--its
ardent but refreshing spirits--and what, ah! what have we left?"
"Nothing," said the melancholy voice at my elbow. "Absolutely nothing
save the mint and the straw!"
And he was right, my dear PUNCHINELLO, he was right.
SAGINAW DODD.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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