Now, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, is not this a little hard on me? I know very well that it is customary for the recipients of testimonials to pay three-quarters of the cost of the present, and I am perfectly willing to abide by this custom; but forty-nine fiftieths is, I think, rather too heavy, especially as my house is heated by a furnace in the cellar and I have no use for a shovel and tongs--particularly silver ones. Yours perturbedly, A. DOANE KNEA. * * * * * Roaming Troops. The Italians in this country are very jubilant over the occupation of Rome by the army of Italy. But people of other nations hereabouts are not so much elated about the occupation of Roam in which the numerous troops of Italian organ-grinders are engaged. * * * * * Subject for a Debating Society. Can a couple who have contracted a clandestine marriage be properly said to be carrying out their clandestiny? * * * * * [Illustration: A CHEERFUL PROSPECT. THE MORNING HAVING BEEN BRIGHT AND CLEAR, MR. DEBOOTS DECIDED TO AVAIL HIMSELF OF AN INVITATION TO SPEND THE DAY IN THE COUNTRY. HE ARRIVES AT THE STATION, AND HAS A MILE TO WALK.] * * * * * [Illustration: COMFORTING ASSURANCES. _H. Greeley and G. W. Curtis, together._ "OHO! LITTLE WOODFORD; AIN'T YOU GOING TO BE LICKED, NEITHER!--WON'T YOU GET YOUR EYES BLACKED, AND YOUR NOSE SMASHED, AND YOUR TEETH BROKE!--AIN'T I GLAD I AIN'T THE ONE AS HAS GOT TO FIGHT BIG JOHNNY HOFFMAN!"] * * * * * AN AGRICULTURAL RHYME. NOT BY H. G. Plough deep--two feet, at least--for corn or rye. You can't, in stony land? Sir, that's a lie; A sub-soil plough will do it; then manure, And put on plenty; if the land is poor, Get muck and plaster; buy them by the heap, No matter what they cost, you'll find them cheap. I've tried them often, and I think I know, Then plough again two feet before you sow. Potatoes get on best in sandy soil, I'm sure of _that_--but plant before you boil; Then put in strawberries; that's what I do-- Confound you for a blockhead! Why don't you Get modern works and read them? No, you'd rather Go creeping on just like your stupid father. That patch is good for melons. Why the deuce Don't you convert those swamps to better use? Beets are a paying crop, and don't cost much To raise; so's cabbage, pumpkins, squash, and such; They'll always sell and bring you back your money-- No bees? The mischief! What d'ye do for honey? Sir, let me tell you plainly you're an ass-- Just look at those ten acres gone to grass! Put turnips in 'em. Timothy don't pay-- Can't cattle feed on anything but hay?