He chatters about love of "art," This actor's "method," that one's "school," And pits the stock against the star, With Contrast as his favorite rule. He freights the columns of the press With praise and blame alike mephitic, And names the burden a _critique_-- And that's the oyster-supper critic. To-day he dines with _opera-bouffe_, To-morrow breakfasts with burlesque, And tights and tinsel, face to face, Encounters, pink and picturesque. Nor frown, if, in next week's review, His gropings after the artistic Should crop out into verse, and take The form of some SWINBURNIAN distich. At night he flits from box to box Or stands and gossips in the lobby, With jest and gesture fast and free, And _tout-ensemble_ neat and nobby. And whilst he eyes the _debutante_, And first resolves to praise, then damn her, New York no other critic boasts So good at heart, so bad at grammar. But should some fair friend grace the stage, Of praise he is not too abstemious, But shares, alas! in all the faults That genius has--without the genius! His prejudices (like those words That LINDLEY MURRAY terms "enelitic") Cling close, and grow a part of him. To form the oyster-supper critic. The manager's his bosom-friend; The agents love him like a brother. His golden rule's to treat himself As he'd be treated by another. Though, in a business way, he sells Impartial puffs for filthy lucre, There's not, at the dramatic cards, A rival whom, he cannot euchre. He makes translations from the French, Of "interest contemporaneous," And ekes a modest salary out By bribes and bonuses extraneous. He loves to "buzz" some British _blonde_ Who from a prince received her "breedin'" And ever since has lived like EVE, Unclothed (but _not_ ashamed) in Eden. Widows and orphanesses fair, Upon the stage, are all his go. But, _off_, the widow he likes most Is mentioned as the _Veuve_ CLICQUOT. Like VATHEK lost in ERLIS' hall, Upborne on shoulder-blades Afritic, He bears, within, a perjured heart, This sensual oyster-supper critic. SPIFFKINS. * * * * * Two Men JULES FAVRE is said to possess fair administrative abilities, but GAMBETTA-- * * * * * [Illustration: REDUCED TO EXTREMITIES. IT IS WHISPERED BY JENKINS THAT A "PASSING BELLE" OF MADISON AVENUE HAS RESORTED TO A NOVEL EUROPEAN FASHION BY EXHIBITING A CAST OF HER--WELL, "INFERIOR ANATOMY," AS A DRAWING-ROOM ORNAMENT.] * * * * * OUR PORTFOLIO. Harrowing effects of the uncertainty of war news--Shocking waste of literary ammunition--A bill against the Provisional Government for damages. TOURS, TENTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870.