* * * * * AN EVEN TEMPERATURE FOR CONGRESS. Warmed by WOOD; Cooled by BROOKS. * * * * * [Illustration: ANOTHER "SUCCESSFUL FRENCH SORTIE."] * * * * * THE MARCH OF PROGRESS. The nations of Europe appear to suppose that their advance in civilization is marked by improvement in their rifles rather than in their school-houses. The possession of the needle-gun by Prussia stimulated France to invent the Chassepot, and now it appears that Russia claims to have a new rifle which surpasses them both. If we may judge from Prussia's actions in this war, this improvement in rifles leads to improvement in rifling; and though it is difficult to imagine how Russia could surpass Prussia's proficiency in this art, which in civil parlance would be called robbing, yet there is no knowing to what further point of perfection it may be carried. It is only to be hoped that the industry of Europe, which offers the field for the exercise of these improvements, will continue to be piously thankful for the noble position which it is thus made to hold in the march of progress. * * * * * "Drawn from the Wood." "What d'ye want? Why come you here?" Said the Beetle inside the bark Unto the crafty Woodpecker Who rapped on the pine-tree in the park. "Never mind what, and never mind why," Replied the Woodpecker, hammering still, "The question will be, 'How's this for high?' When I send in my little bill." * * * * * Hand and Glove. The scarcity of kid gloves, caused by this war, will, no doubt, force many a fair one to bare a hand during its continuance. Yet the conservative bigots say that women should not vote unless they are willing to do their part in the fighting. * * * * * HOW TO DISTINGUISH A WEALTHY MAN. By the CROESUS in his face. * * * * * Q.E.D. Astronomers say that there is no water on the moon's surface. We, on the contrary, know that there are large oceans there. No one ever heard of ship captains in a place destitute of water; and, as the moon is made of green cheese, there must of course be "skippers" there. * * * * * A Christmas Joke. When JENKINS felt in his pocket, after leaving the 37th Regt. Armory the other night, he exclaimed; "Well, if this is a French fair, I prefer an American fowl!" * * * * * Theatrical. The "Gods" at our theatres generally evince good taste in selecting their favorite actresses, and as they usually choose _blondes_, we cannot believe that "those whom the gods love dye young." * * * * * Accident. AUNT BATHSHEBA fell into the East River last Monday, and she now declares that the dress she wore on that occasion is watered silk.